Stingray

I had a dream last night. I was snorkeling on shallow waters and nearly swam right into a stingray. Luckily, there was a guy that I didn’t know telling me to watch out. “Be careful, there’s a stingray,” he said. Just then I saw it. The stingray. It was lying motionless on sandy bed, moving only with the sway of the tide. Beautiful, free-spirited, kind and gentle. Yet it can strike hard and deadly when it’s threatened. So I swam away. I wasn’t scared. But I was relieved I avoided it when I could. I looked back a couple of times as I swam further and further away from it, just to admire it. The beautiful, free-spirited, kind and gentle dancer of the sea. The joyful angels of the deep, giving memories to keep.

I’ve been wondering all day what that dream means. It is quite common to find stingrays in shallow coastal waters of temperate seas. Unless it is a blue-spotted eagle ray, most species are usually quite well camouflaged as their colors blend perfectly with the shades of the seafloor. They typically just lie there on the sands with their notorious tails trailing behind. But when they are inclined to move, it looks like they’re flying and dancing at the same time. Contrary to some beliefs, they don’t attack people. They only use their venomous barbs for defense. I love the rays – both stingrays and manta rays (these are the stingless ones). To me, they’re the eagles of the sea. They’re always graceful, elegant and lovely.

So why did I dream about a stingray? Is it because I miss diving so much lately? Because I miss being in the depth of the ocean where I could hear nothing but the voices in my heart and the voices in my head? I don’t think so. A friend of mine who is very talented in decoding dreams used to say, a dream only tells you things about yourself. So if you dream that someone is dying, it doesn’t mean that literally. It could mean an ending of a relationship with this person. It could mean an unhappy feeling that you have toward this person but you have been denying it. It could mean a number of things, but it always tells you about YOU. So, what does a stingray tell me about me?

Could it mean that I feel threatened? Could it mean that I’m entering a territory that is sort of familiar but could be deadly? Could it mean that my free-spirited, kind and gentle world is in jeopardy? I have been vulnerable. For a year and a half, I have been so vulnerable I’ve become helpless. But I’m not defenseless. Like the stingray, I could also strike hard and deadly when I’m threatened. But who or what threatens me? Maybe I’m threatening myself with all these foolish hopes and silly wishes. Maybe the dream is warning me that things could turn out deadly… There are things hidden and perfectly camouflaged that could strike really hard and end up hurting me… Or maybe I’ve been too paranoid and negative lately that the stingray represents all my fears of failing, my anxiety at the possibility of pain of losing something or someone so dear. Could it be? Shit! Maybe I should… swim away… while I still can…

Maybe…

But this heart is so stubborn…
It hurts just thinking about swimming away…
I want to stay… lying motionless on the sand next to you
I want to stay… flying and dancing gracefully with the tide
I want to stay… being beautiful, free-spirited, kind and gentle just like you
I want to stay… I don’t want just memories to keep
I want to stay… forever

This heart is so stubborn…
It hurts just thinking about swimming away…

So I guess I must prepare for that deadly strike…
I just hope it strikes me right in my heart
So I would die instantly without feeling the pain

Damn it!

OUR WAR

War, war and war. Here we go again. War is being talked about every day, over coffee and breakfast muffins, at lunch time and even during candlelight dinners. I’m sick of it! I’m sick of such a stain on humanity. On the face of global warming, climate change and so many other problems, people can still actually declare war, go to war and talk about war!

As the war with Hamas continues for the 10th day and the ground invasion into the 3rd day (and those radical Muslim groups, as usual, are begging the government to send them on jihad missions), friends and family around me discuss it constantly. There’s even an unknown person who keeps sending me messages on this blog to read HIS (or her?) blog, which contains the latest news about the war. Dude, with all due respect, why would I want to read YOUR blog to get war news? Why YOUR blog in particular? The internet is so full of it already! Wanna talk about it?

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT! MY WAY!

This is what I wanna talk about. I wanna talk about the people who declare wars. I’d like to know these people. People who still think that war is necessary to solve a problem, that dominance is still sought after, that freakin’ fossil fuel is still the most important thing in the world. Poor ignorant people. You know what, people? If your face does not rot like those soldiers’ that you’ve sent to wars, then your wives’ and children’s will. Trust me. If your body does not decompose soon from all the wrongs that you’ve done, then your soul will grow dark and hard like ebony. Trust me.

I wanna talk about the people who go to wars. Can’t you say no? Are you that stupid? So it’s an order, so what??? Don’t you have your own will? Don’t you have your own brain? Don’t you have a heart? Say no and walk out! Stay out of wars! Can’t you do that? Even if you survive, you’ll come back as ghosts. And ghosts seldom come back bearing their tales. So if you go, then don’t bother coming home to die. Don’t ever tell us that it was a “good” war, because you’ve just won the war. What the fuck is a GOOD war??? As if there was no death, for goodness’ sake. You have to win it with the “help” of the losers whom you have to leave cold and dead out there! There’s no such thing as a good war, even if you win. Trust me.

I wanna talk about the people who talk about wars. Ok, so we have to know these things. We have to know what is happening around the world, around us. We have to know there’s a war. So far away from here, but we have to know. Fine. So we read the papers, we watch news programs and we read regular updates about it on the internet. But do we have to talk about it too? Not only that, do we have to talk about it ALL THE TIME? I’m sure each of us has our own opinion about it. But your opinion doesn’t help anyone. I’m not saying joining a jihad would help, but unless your opinion could make the war and the killing stop, then don’t take pleasure in talking about it. If you’re THAT unhappy about the war and THAT angry about it, then yes… by all means… join a jihad, go there and try to stop it. You will be one of those people with no graves, but only epitaphs. Trust me.

Otherwise, let’s talk about the zillions of problems facing our own country. Let’s fight the poor education standards. Let’s fight the lousy healthcare systems. Let’s fight corruption. Let’s fight the greedy and utterly brainless oil palm people who keep destroying our forests. Let’s fight the dim-witted assholes who keep bombing and poisoning our reefs. Let’s fight our own stupidity, ignorance and greed. Let’s fight colonialism, because if you think we have claimed our independence back in 1945, you are so wrong. We’re still being colonialized… by our own people! Let’s fight all these things. THIS IS OUR WAR.

Bittersweet

On the tenth day of 2009, there’s a quietness that comes from recalling places, events and people of the year before. Life, as always, is a complex riddle. And trying to make sense out of the nonsense is such a tedious process. I am neither optimistic nor pessimistic. I’m at this hollow intersection between hope and despair. So I’m neither bitter nor sweet. Maybe I’m bittersweet. Hahaha…

The first ten days of 2009, there have been words that splash heavily upon my mind like cold icy rain. But then again, there is that tiny little light of new beginnings. The problem is that I can’t really tell where this light would lead me to. The one place where I don’t wanna go is the marrow of emotions that have stormed my world last year. I don’t want the dark shadows and choking conversations anymore.

The first full moon of 2009, there is this sobering realization that in being heard, a chance is created. A chance for what, I wonder? Whatever… As long as it’s not a gut-wrenching sequel to the painful reality of 2008, then I’d be satisfied. I want rainbows, shooting stars, pink full moons and lilac candles woven flawlessly, until designs and desires come together to bring smiles, giggles and happiness.

January 10th, 2009, the first full moon, I’m neither bitter nor sweet. I’m bittersweet…

Getting My Hopes Up in 2009

goodbye 2008 full of drama
welcome 2009 full of hopes

2008 was incredibly challenging to cope with
personally and professionally
it was a year when I didn’t quite know where I stood
but I survived
I saw that last second of 2008 last night
and I survived

then I drank to 2009

maybe I shouldn’t get my hopes up
but too late for that
my hopes are up

Lady Venus two days in a row
three shooting stars in less than an hour
and a cooling rain on the first day of 2009
I can’t help it
my hopes are up

I stumbled upon a poem by Emily Dickinson
here’s what she said
"hope" is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
and sings the tune without the words
and never stops at all

I can’t help it
my hopes are up

this has gotta be a better year
personally and professionally
hope shines forth from me
my hopes are up

this has gotta be a wondrous year
the year when dreams come true
the year of the virgin moon
and sunset’s lustrous stain
the year when I watch them with love
and not with heartache
the year when success and happiness
are here within my heart
this has gotta be the year
that I would fill this blog with happy tales
not suicidal ones anymore

I can’t help it
my hopes are up

goodbye 2008 full of drama
welcome 2009 full of hopes

Lady Venus & Three Shooting Stars

It was midnight, two days after Christmas. I was on a short holiday in Ayer Island, accompanied by good friends of mine and new acquaintances that no doubt would become good friends too. I was sure of that, as tonight, we witnessed a miracle. Well, at least we thought it was a miracle…

It was only two days after Christmas. And on the jetty on the back of the island, we laid under the midnight sky. The weather was warm and the clear dark sky was full of stars. A bit high on pot and needing something spiritually meaningful to do, eight of us – Uga, Ndet, Leska, O’o, Radi, Audi, Andhara and me – were stargazing.

I could feel the wild grasses near us turned silver by the radiant rays of the stars. I could hear a couple of crickets chirping out from the grass. I could smell the beautiful scent of the sea. But my eyes were fixed on one bright star above. Venus, the morning star. The brightest celestial object in the sky after the sun and the moon. The brightest one of all out of the millions that adorned the sky. I was silently making conversation with her – with Lady Venus…

“Good evening, Lady Venus. How are you tonight? I hope you’re well enough, because I’m about to ask you to do something for me. I’d like you to grant me a wish. Just one wish… I need you to deliver me the comfort of days to come, knowing that my wish would come true. Could you please do that for me? Would that be too much to ask?”

Then all of the sudden… As I was tenderly handing her a wish from deep within my heart… a shooting star caught my eyes… “A shooting star!!!” Leska shouted, pointing eagerly to the sky. “Hurry and make a wish!” she added. “I saw it too!” Radi agreed. Phew, I was glad. At least with three people seeing it, I could be sure that I wasn’t hallucinating from staring at the morning star too long or from smoking too much weed. “Did you make a wish?” Radi asked. I smiled and nodded. Yeah… I did…

A heart was healed from the light left behind by the shooting star. My heart. Then visions of the future flooded my mind. My eyes went back to Lady Venus, staring at her lovingly and wordlessly talking to her again.

“My beloved Lady Venus. I hope that’s your answer. I hope that’s a ‘yes’ from you… I’ve had so many broken dreams and empty promises in my life. I’ve been running low on faith. So I hope that was a sign from you that my beliefs will be defended once again. And my faith will be restored. Prayers are answered and wishes do come true…”

Then… ANOTHER SHOOTING STAR caught my eyes. “Another one!” Leska and Radi shouted almost in chorus. “Where?” Ndet asked, disappointed because she didn’t see the first one and now she missed the second one. This time I was speechless for a couple of seconds. I couldn’t believe I saw TWO shooting stars in less than 15 minutes! When I finally found my voice, it sounded almost like a whisper, “Over there. It was just there, Ndet.” I pointed to the sky full of stars. But the shooting star, of course, was gone.

“Damn, did I miss it again?” Ndet complained. “Wow, two shooting stars! Our wishes MUST come true,” I heard someone saying my thoughts out loud. “Yeah, we’re gonna have a good year next year,” I heard an answer. “Amen!” now almost everyone joined the ‘chorus’. But I wasn’t really listening or attempting to join the conversation. I’d rather be amazed by myself. I’d rather keep this feeling of awe inside. I gazed back at Lady Venus.

“Dear Lady Venus, those were two instead of one. I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you. You’ve been generous tonight. I wish I could be sure, though. I wish I could translate your message. It should be clear. But I’m still unsure. Forgive me for doubting you. But long in wait I have been… Anxiousness stirs within my soul. It has almost become a part of me. I don’t know how to be optimistic anymore… I wish I could be sure…”

Then in the fashion of a true miracle, I SAW THE THIRD ONE! This time I was the one who shouted, “Another shooting star!!!” Leska nodded quickly, “I saw it too.” We were the only two people who saw that third shooting star. Radi and O’o were too busy discussing politics and religion. Ndet was no longer stargazing. She was sitting up straight, staring at the sea instead. The rest were also chatting about something. No one else saw it but Leska and me. “That’s three in a row, Les,” I said to her quietly. “I know! Isn’t that amazing?” she agreed. “This is a great night. We’re very lucky tonight,” she added. “Yeah, a great night,” I repeated her words to reassure myself that this was indeed... a great night...

Now everyone returned to a laying-down position, fixing their eyes on the stars, as if hoping to see another one. Everyone fell quiet for a moment. But I knew there wasn’t gonna be another one. I didn’t know how I knew, but I just knew. And sure enough, clouds slowly started to fill the space above us, blocking the stars in the midnight sky. It was like someone was turning off the light, one by one… I quickly glanced at Lady Venus before she too was gone for the night… I smiled at her a bit, hoping that none of my friends saw me doing it of course…

“I have to be sure. That was three times in a row in less than an hour. I couldn’t ask for a better night than tonight. If THAT wasn’t a miracle, then I don’t know what is. So I must be sure. I must trust you, Lady Venus. And I do trust you. Work your magic tonight and make me the little girl whom you used to know. The little girl who once wished upon the star which has taken her this far. The little girl who believed in you. I’m going to believe in you again, Lady Venus. For this wish is more than a dream and yet not a fantasy. Please somehow turn it into reality… Good night, Lady Venus…”

We returned to Jakarta the next afternoon, arriving at dusk. And as I drove home from Sindang Laut Harbor this evening, I saw her again. Lady Venus in the early evening sky of Jakarta. For those of you who don’t know, Jakarta sky is very rarely adorned by stars because the pollution is so bad here. And sure enough, no other star was present tonight. The sky was pitched black. And yet, SHE was there. Lady Venus was there. The morning star. Bright as always. I could see her clearly all the way home. She accompanied me again tonight. That was a reassurance, was it Lady Venus? I really hope so. I need to be reassured very often lately.

“Hello Lady Venus… It was an honor to dance the night sky with you last night, while the crickets played their music and the sea sent its mystical aroma into the air. And when silence falls around me, there you are again, caressing me, lighting the fire inside me… Thank you so much, Lady Venus. Now I’m waiting for my wish to come true…”

Ambon, the Capital of Heaven

[To Shindi, Uga and Ndet, my dearest and best traveling friends, sorry it took me so long to write this piece. I got distracted by unexpected “personal events” that happened in my life, not long after we returned from Ambon. Hehehe… Yeah, excuses, excuses… And… BEWARE, this is A VERY LOOONG story!!! Go get some coffee before reading it.]

[To readers on facebook, I’ve turned off the “comments facility” to avoid unnecessary back-and-forth messages among those I tagged. If I tag you, it means I think you’re interested to read about our trip. So if you’d like to leave comments, please go to my official blog site: http://life-elements.blogspot.com. And thanks for reading! Hope it will inspire you to visit this Heaven soon!]

Photos by: Shindi & Uga Sutowo

*****



We barely had any sleep. All girls, all sleepy, but all psyched up to go to Ambon (a little bit too psyched up for a 1.30AM flight). The direct flight took about 3.5 hours from the filthy capital of Indonesia to the capital of Heaven in the Spice Islands of Maluku.


The ridiculous flight to Heaven
Lion Air, of course as many of you know, is tight and narrow with way too many seats. The service sucks and, if you’re hungry or thirsty, you have to BUY your food and drinks. F&B are not included in the airfare that you pay. That’s what you get for cheap airfares, I guess. But we had no choice. There are only 4 airlines serving Ambon – Lion, Mandala, Batavia and Sriwijaya. They’re all the same. The word “uncomfortable” could not even begin to describe how miserable we were in those 3.5 hours. So we made it up by going absolutely mental! As I told you, we were a little bit too psyched up for this trip. We were high on adrenalin.

All through the flight, we were chatting and laughing out loud, making rude comments about the flight attendants, about other passengers, about everything… Imagine this. There are three seats on the left row and three on the right. Shindi and Ndet occupied two seats on one of the right rows, with no one on the third seat. Uga and I occupied two seats on the left row, but we were sharing the row with a guy who sat on the aisle-seat. The poor guy was clearly trying so hard to sleep. But of course… he failed. We were rude AND loud!



Pregnancy test and KFC
Well, you can’t really blame us. We were “confronted” by ridiculous situations! (Yeah, this IS our excuse for being rowdy). As we just boarded, a flight attendant came up to Ndet and asked, “Excuse me, Ma’am… Are you pregnant?” And of course Ndet and Shindi just cracked up laughing as an answer. Ndet almost answered, “Yes, I have been for the past 12 years!” They immediately told Uga and I, who cracked up even louder. Apparently there’s this new regulation that pregnant passengers must report to airline authorities before being allowed to fly. But Ndet? Pregnant? Right!

Then after doing their regular rounds to offer passengers to buy food and drinks from their trolley, these giggly flight attendants went back to their station on the back of the plane. Apparently they brought their own food. Since we were sitting on the back rows, we could easily smell the unmistakable aroma of… KFC!!! Shit… while we were sitting there hungry (but too proud, too stubborn and too cheap to buy anything from the trolley), they were having KFC. I think Shindi almost called out to them saying, “Hey! Let us BUY YOUR KFC!!!” Thank God she didn’t… Hahaha…

Is it possible to meet anyone you know in this flight?
There were other “incidents” too. A middle-aged man who had on a pair of purple-yellow-green shoes. Another man with bright red Bart Simpson socks. The fact that there were no “sick bags” on the plane. What would happen if a passenger needs to puke? You have to buy a sick bag? You need to pay just to puke? So basically, everything triggered us to laugh and gossip and laugh some more. And the poor guy who sat next to me, of course, failed to have any sleep. As Shindi and Ndet fell in and out of restless and very uncomfortable sleep, Uga and I kept our conversation colorful, making it even harder for this guy to doze off.

And to complete the ridiculousness of the flight, as we arrived in Ambon, another friend of mine who works in Raja Ampat - Papua, Katrin, called me and asked, “Are you in Ambon, now? Did you just arrive?” Confused, I asked her how she knew that all the way from Papua… AND ladies and gentlemen… As it turned out, the poor guy who sat next to me the whole flight from Jakarta to Ambon, the guy who tried to sleep but couldn’t because we were so inconsiderate, is her boyfriend. He was on his way to Raja Ampat to see her, transiting in Ambon. He recognized me as Kat’s friend. He wanted to say hi, but I simply didn’t give him a chance. Oh my LORD! And to think that we were going to a place where we couldn’t possibly meet anyone we know! We couldn’t be more wrong. Kat and Rey, we’re very… very… sorry!!! Hahaha!



Untamed beauty of Ambon Bay
Alright. Enough of the flight story. We were in Ambon. AMBON!!! Finally… I had missed this beautiful heaven for 2 years. Kept wondering when I would come back again. And there I was. I was in Ambon.

Ambon is the capital of Maluku Province. Together with the islands in North Maluku Province, they are better known to Europeans as The Moluccas. The islands had been of interest to spice traders from as early as the 1st century, and later became known as The Spice Islands, due to the cloves, nutmeg, and cinnamon which grow there. It was these East Indies that Columbus was looking for when he accidentally found America in 1492.

As Pak Franky, our driver, drove us into the city to check into our hotel, the view of Ambon Bay accompanied us along the way. Untamed against slowly swollen sun that gently pierced the smoky morning clouds. To say it’s beautiful is an understatement. Here, feeling like at the edge of the world, I was breathless. And for once since the night before, the four of us weren’t so loud anymore…

The main island of Ambon resembles two horseshoes back to back. Ambon City lies on the south side of the beautiful Ambon Bay. The airport is located in the north, across the bay, and although a ferry connects the two, it is quicker to drive the 36 km. We went through a series of small villages, and the first thing that would strike you was the number of churches. They were of many different designs and some villages had up to 4 churches of different denominations. Although Indonesia has the world's largest Moslem population, Maluku is home to a large number of Christians and it was common to see a mosque and church side by side.

Then drowsiness started to hit us when we arrived at Hotel Mutiara, where we were going to stay during this trip. It was around 9 in the morning. We were (finally) sleepy. So after having a quick and much-needed breakfast of chicken porridge, we delayed the plan to explore Ambon until noon. We went to sleep… in Ambon…



Peaceful Fort Amsterdam
At around noon, we packed our rented car with lunch boxes and a cool-box-full of soft drinks and beer. Destination: Fort Amsterdam. Located in Hila Village, about 2 hours from Ambon, the fort was built by the Dutch (obviously) in the beginning of the 17th century. Those were the early years of the Spice Trade. After all, we WERE now in the famous spice islands of Maluku, the mostly forgotten islands that actually hold the most important piece of historical facts in the formation of this scatterbrained country. For it was the race for nutmegs and cloves, the two main commodities in Maluku, that had given us our beginning. The beginning of a nation. And here we stood. We were in an early piece of our history, standing in the courtyard of Fort Amsterdam!

The rundown fort still stood proudly on the rocky shore of Banda Sea against the hazy backdrop of Seram Island. The Banda Sea itself is believed to be one of the deepest seas on earth (6.5 km deep). It's very intriguing, considering that the sole means of transportation between islands are boats. More often they're not of sophisticated ones. Yes! You've got to have the 'stomach' to want to travel around these islands.

Obviously, taking lots of narcissistic pictures here is a MUST. So we did. Then next activity was to daydream while staring at the bright blue sea, letting the breeze play with our hair. I couldn’t help envisioning the foes approaching, ready to fire their guns and cannons. The havoc of war, the battle’s confusion. But in full glory we stood, defending our fort until we were blessed with victory and peace. And peace was all I got in this island. Peace that pierces the heart, leaving me happy and content. I was at peace.

There used to be another bit of history in this sleepy village of Hila. Until the bloody religious conflict in Maluku, there was an old wooden church in the vicinity of this fort. But the church was sadly burned down to the ground during the turmoil.

If you don’t know or don’t remember what happened, here’s a little sad reminder of it. Since the end of the heyday of the spice trade, Maluku became largely forgotten. Then, in recent decades, tourists discovered the great beauty of these islands, straddling the equator, and which have some of the world's most stunning dive sites. Sadly, the peace and religious harmony of these islands was shattered in 1999, when a minor dispute between a Christian and Moslem led to full scale riots, which lasted until about 2004. During that time many buildings were bombed and burnt, and whole villages were wiped out. The riots spread throughout many islands of Maluku.

Now peace is restored and the people are busy rebuilding and getting on with their lives. There is a building frenzy going on as Moslems and Christians help each other rebuild homes, as well as churches and mosques. Maluku is now safe again and tourists are slowly returning. But a piece of exquisite history was gone – the ancient church behind Fort Amsterdam – is irrecoverable, destroyed by narrow-mindedness and ignorance. A lesson that, surprisingly, no one has seemed to learn from… People in other parts of this country still fight in the name of religions. Pathetic!

Anyway… After sharing potato chips with the local kids, we decided to move on. We were heading to Natsepa Beach.



Lovely afternoon on Natsepa Beach
Natsepa Beach is the most popular beach in Ambon. But just like other popular beaches in Indonesia, Natsepa is now full of people, beachside food stalls, ugly gazebos and rubbish. So typical… Indonesian people just simply don’t know how to look after a place. Most Indonesians don’t even know how to appreciate a beautiful place like this…

But luckily, Ndet and I still remembered a hidden corner of Natsepa. We were there a couple of years ago to host a “Crazy Bamboo” party for Dewi Sandra and Glenn Fredly. They were newly married then and we took them to Ambon to do a photo shoot for the cover of our magazine, Tamasya. So we took Uga and Shindi there. The small bay was not as empty as we had hoped it to be. But it wasn’t too crowded either. There we sat and had our (very late) lunch while a few local children were swimming nearby. Narcissistic picture moments? YOU BET! Shindi even took a chance to have her picture taken with these local kids. Natsepa Beach wasn’t that spectacular, but we ended up having a lovely afternoon indeed…



The City Gate
From Natsepa, we traveled on to the other side of the island, looking for Pintu Kota, or the City Gate. Pintu Kota is a natural arch in the sea cliffs with a small cave to the side of the arch. The area at the top of the cliff, the Pantai Pintu viewpoint, provides a great view over the bay and coastline. From here, a rough trail leads vertically down the cliff to the base of the arch. The beach is formed from stones and corals and is fringed by sea screw-pine trees. This is also the BEST dive site in Ambon Island, for its underwater paradise also features the same mystical arch teaming with life. This is the big fish playground. And only divers with advanced open water certifications should attempt to dive here because the current can be quite strong.

Here we waited for November sun to sink. Only the tree tops and the distance skies reddened and glowed, while everything else was in a shadow below. A beautiful end to a beautiful day in Heaven.



Seafood, seafood, seafood!
We got back at the hotel happy but very hungry. So we quickly had a shower and headed immediately back downstairs, where Andre had waited in the lobby. Andre Sitanala is the owner of Hotel Mutiara and a very good friend of mine. And tonight, he was going to treat us to a sumptuous seafood dinner. After introducing Andre to Shindi and Uga (Ndet already knew Andre from our previous trip), we took off in his car. He said he was going to recommend a new restaurant on the shore of Ambon Bay. He hadn’t tried it himself but heard people had been talking about it. Well, it didn’t hurt to check it out.

The restaurant was on the shore of Ambon Bay alright, and it was huge, but it was empty and didn’t look too enticing. So we decided to go the normal seafood place where most people go to, which is Dedes II Restaurant. The seafood here is fresh and guaranteed to be sooo… yummy! And it really was delightfully mouth-watering. Huge shrimps and various fish, grilled or fried, served with refreshingly spicy chili sauce called “colo-colo”. Then we washed it all down with cold beer. Good food and good friends. It was perfection!



Picturesque Pombo
The next morning we were… uhm… still sleepy. Hahaha… Uga, Ndet and I stayed up pretty late gossiping and joking around. Only Shindi who looked fresher this morning. But, never mind, we were still psyched up.

After breakfast, we departed to Pombo Island. Andre joined us on this trip, as well as Maya, a divemaster whom we decided to take as our guide. Pulau Pombo or Dove Island is a tiny deserted island off the northeast coast of Ambon. The island and its surrounding waters is a protected area usually used as a resting place by local fishermen. The water at the coral reef around the island is very shallow, which is a problem for boats. Timing and experience boat crew are important factors to reach the shore of the island.

As for the corals, well… when I came here a couple of years ago, the corals weren’t as nice as those off Ambon Island or in Banda. So I wasn’t expecting much. I wanted to check out the underwater world of Pombo, but wasn’t expecting to be awed. But I was wrong…

Pombo used to be one of the best snorkeling and dive sites in Ambon. But illegal fishing activities such as fish bombing, the use of cyanide and over-fishing practices in the last few decades had degraded and nearly destroyed the entire underwater structure of Pombo. However, efforts to give Pombo and its surroundings a protected status have finally paid off. The corals have recovered wonderfully to nearly 75% coverage. And of course, as the corals recover, the colorful underwater lives start coming back. Schools of fish, cute nudibranch, bright pink and orange fan corals… Picturesque underwater garden!

Upon our discovery, Maya and I immediately swam back to shore to tell the rest about the obviously newly formed and yet firmly developed coral reef. Pombo is back with its beauty. I told Andre that it’s time to really ensure surveillance and enforcement to avoid destructions in the future and to start promoting Pombo again as… PARADISE!

Snacks and beer were served on the beach. And photo sessions continued. All four of us agreed that we could just sit here all day, enjoying the lovely secluded beach of Pombo. Tranquility, mesmerizing views and the gentle movement of water made us feel at peace. We definitely recommend Pombo Island as a must-visit place while you’re in Ambon!



Being sandwiched at Hunimua Beach
We hesitantly decided to leave Pombo around 12.30 PM. Not only because the sun had started to fry us alive, but also because we wanted to see other beaches of Ambon today, since tomorrow we would have to go back home to reality. So we packed our things and boarded the boat. But instead of returning to Tulehu, the little jetty where we found and rented the boat, we directed the boat towards a beach on the main Ambon Island, located almost directly across Pombo. Hunimua Beach.

Two years ago, Dewi and Glenn stood on the long jetty of Hunimua for a cover shoot session of Tamasya magazine - July issue 2006. The spectacular cover, sporting blue and turquoise waters of Hunimua had prompted plenty of Tamasya readers to visit this almost forgotten island. In fact, a year later, a cellular phone company also decided to sponsor a photography trip to this Island. And on this jetty, the narcissistic four took yet MORE PICTURES!!! The best of the best would be a group-hug picture of Uga, Ndet and me, where I was squeezed in the middle like a sandwich meat. Hahaha… Fun in the sun!



The center of diving activities at Namalatu
We didn’t spend too much time at Hunimua. We still had to visit one more beach on the other side of the island. On the way there, we must first go back to the city of Ambon. Might as well, ‘cause we were hungry and it was way past lunch time. So we called the hotel to order us some lunch boxes from KFC. Yeah, yeah… I know. We shouldn’t even think of KFC in Ambon, but it’s fast, cheap and convenient to take away. The KFC lunch boxes were ready for us by the time we stopped by at the hotel. See? Fast and convenient!

Namalatu Beach is located in Latuhalat on the southeastern most part of the Leitimor Peninsula, facing the Banda Sea. Namalatu is also the center of diving activities in this island. Diving centers here offer dive gear for hire, as well as attractive and reasonably cheap dive packages. Its (usually) clear water is an ideal spot for bathing, swimming, snorkeling and diving. Well… usually… Today however, we were up for another surprise.

In Pombo before, I wasn’t expecting anything other than a few corals, sandy bottom and probably dead rubbles. As it turned out, I was amazed with the new beauty Pombo had presented me… On the contrary, in Namalatu, being the center of diving activities, I was expecting spectacular corals and lots of fish. Yet, the rainy season and the westerly wind had brought rubbish into the usually clear waters. And even though the seascape is a lot bigger than Pombo, but the corals were a bit damaged and not as colorful as those in Pombo, visibility was poor, there weren’t as many fish as I thought I would find here. I was quite disappointed. But for Uga, who usually could only enjoy dead corals around Kepulauan Seribu, the rocky and complex underwater seascape and the amount of living things she found here were very astonishing. Well… I guess compared to Kepulauan Seribu, seeing the reefs in the eastern part of Indonesia would feel like going to a huge expensive mall after knowing only the tiny second-hand “pojok busana” all your life… Hahaha!



Yummy papeda!
For our last dinner in Ambon, Andre and his staff have prepared delicious traditional Maluku dinner that consisted of papeda, a kind of transparent, grayish porridge made from the flour of the sago palm tree served with hot and sour fish soup and veggies. Papeda is the “icon” food for the provinces of Maluku, North Maluku, North Sulawesi, Gorontalo, and also Papua. For the people of these provinces, papeda is their main menu – their main source for carbohydrate – the same as rice, potatoes and corn in other parts of the world. It looks like glue and doesn’t have a specific taste, but once you mix it with the soup, it is simply superb!

Laughing the night away
Well, there wasn’t much to do anymore except to order a few beers and laugh the night away. Again, Shindi went straight to bed, while the three of us just went silly all night long. I won’t go into details… Ndet and Uga can tell you the rest…



Going home to hell-iality
Unfortunately, just like everything else in life, this too must come to an end. We must say goodbye, for now, to the serene and peaceful island of Ambon. Ambon is certainly a beautiful place, and together with neighboring islands such as Seram, Saparua and Banda, it is a great place for eco-tourists and those wanting somewhere off the beaten tourist path. It is still pretty much unspoilt by tourism. Ambon and the nearby Banda Islands offer some stunning dive sites while the Manusela National Park in Seram is good for trekking.



We don’t have time to go to those places on this trip, but I do hope Maluku has captured Shindi’s and Uga’s hearts as much as it has captured mine and Ndet’s. For me at least, Maluku drew a vivid mental picture of how beautiful the place was. Despite having been to many places around the world, the Spice Islands of Maluku remain close to my heart and will always be. As much as I know that tourism could help the economy in these islands, I secretly hope that Ambon and the surrounding islands will never be totally spoilt by tourism I hope they remain a hidden, unknown gem nestled between Sulawesi and Papua. My paradise, my heaven, I WILL come back again!

A Fool Once More

Dear Bo…
How are you today? Hope you’re alright and still guarding my sky … I really need you now… I need to tell you something… It was full moon two nights ago and something extraordinary happened to me… Something that I didn’t expect would ever happen… And I am a fool once more… Crushed and not really sure what’s real… Starting to trust irrelevant things again… And now from the dark, I can see your eagle wings… Spread and soar as your spirit sings… Please take me with you and teach me the little things you used to do… the little things with which I hope to win a heart, the way you won mine…

Dear Bo…
You used to say full moon on the desert is mystically powerful for it is like the throne of a goddess to whom we pray… It dominates the dark and makes you do what your heart commands to do… Its light is made holly by the dazzling angels’ tears, mending every broken heart and bringing back lost dreams… You were so right… It must be the full moon… But then, there were other full moons in over a year that I waited… Why now? It was so torturing not knowing… But now that I know, it doesn’t feel any better… And now as the cool evening shrinks to a dog bark outside, I can feel your sweet eyes roam… Well, don’t look now… Because I’m still lost and confused… I don’t have the slightest clue what to do…

Dear Bo…
Christmas is coming… For once, this isn’t the Christmas I’m looking forward to… Because I’m so afraid of what I would find as my present underneath the Christmas tree this year… I’m so afraid that whatever Santa brings me this year might just blow my heart to pieces… I don’t think I can handle that anymore… I know my heart has been resilient enough to endure the worst of the worst… And I’ve survived… But not this time… Not this one… I can’t afford to get hurt anymore… How can I make sure of that? And now I can see you climbing back to heaven, gazing on the earth from time to time… While you’re among the stars up there, please ask them what is the reasoning for this?

Dear Bo…
Two nights ago the moon was shinning brightly upon your grave… Did you feel it? Did you know what I was going through? Did you see there was a dark crimson river of blood from my heart? I didn’t know that happiness could also torment you like this… I guess you’re right once again… That the TRUTH about the TRUTH is that it hurts… But then I remember you telling me that you learn something or feel something completely new when you break your heart in the right way… But I don’t want to learn anything new anymore… Because the world and I are already not on speaking terms. The world keeps trying to win me back, but it hasn’t worked. I guess I’m just not the forgiving type… I don’t know why I crave for this so much… Please tell me why…

Dear Bo…
So you said I must read the signs… I did… I am… The signs are everywhere… So obvious they’re hard to miss… Yet, I know I’m only a fool… I’m a fool once more…

You Don’t See Me

I am almost giving up… almost… but not quite.

I am almost at wits end… almost… but not quite…

It is very, very clear though… Very…

It is very, very obvious… Very…

You don’t see me.

You talk to me. You hear me.

You discuss things with me.

You share your dreams with me.

You share your fears with me.

But you don’t see me.

For you…

I’m someone who knows things that you’re interested in

And someone who’s interested in things that you know

That’s all.

That’s it.

You don’t see me.

I am almost giving up… almost… but not quite.

I am almost at wits end… almost… but not quite…

Not quite…

Curhat Colongan Gara-Gara Bangun Kepagian

[this article was first published on my facebook, 19 Nov 2008, and has so far received 20 comments basically agreeing with it! hahaha...]

Aduh, bangun pagi itu menyebalkan. Paling bete kalo harus bangun pagi. Emang kenapa sih kalo kerja atau beraktivitas sebagian besar harus mulai pagi-pagi? Gak ngerti tuh gw. Emang kenapa kalo mulainya jam 11 siang aja gitu? Jadi gw bisa tidur sampe jam 9 pagi at least… at least tuh… kalo bisa sih semua kegiatan itu dimulai setelah jam tidur siang (jam tidur siang lho… bukan jam makan siang). Kan enak tuh, bisa bangun jam 11 siang, terus langsung makan siang, terus ngerokok-ngerokok sebentar, terus tidur siang. Bangun lagi jam 2 or jam 3 siang… nah, abis itu baru kerja or beraktivitas… kan lebih enak???!!!

Kata orang-orang tua (dan orang-orang tolol sih menurut gw), kalo gak bangun pagi, rejekinya dipatok ayam. Halah… ape lageeeee… Hari gini kalo rejekinya dipatok ayam, ayamnya ditangkep dong… terus dipotong dan digoreng!!! Satu dari hanya sedikiiiit banget binatang yang gw sebelin adalah ayam. So kalo dia berani-berani matok rejeki gw, waaaahhh… dengan senang hati gw kulitin idup-idup tuh ayam, terus bikin gule…

Ada juga yang bilang kalo matahari pagi itu menyegarkan dan sehat buat kita… HELLO? Seger dari mana? Gw gak pernah seger tuh bangun pagi-pagi! Ngantuuuukkkkk and maleeeesssss… And kalo dipaksa kerja dalam kondisi ngantuk dan males kayak gitu, yang ada gw jadi jutek dan kalian semua yang lagi apes karena kebetulan lagi deket ama gw pada saat itu, akan kena dijutekin parah booww… Nah, sehatnya di mana coba? Yang ada malah kena darah tinggi…

Intinya yaaah… bangun pagi itu sumpah mampus gak penting banget… alergi gw sama matahari pagi… udah ah… mo tidur lagi… yang berani bangunin, gw GARUK lo!!! ZZZZZ…

[hehehehe.. curhat colongan gara-gara bangun jam 4.30 pagi, trus jam 5 udah berangkat ke birdcage utk cover shoot majalah tamasya... trus di sana yang ada gw sama sekali gak bantu and gak guna deh... I kept zoning out and tolol abis... wakakakakaka... gila, ngantuk berat gw!]

My Two Reasons to Live [from the dysfunctional family series]

Despite all my seemingly whole-hearted efforts to save the planet, giving the impression that I am saving all of you… uhm… I must confess that I actually hadn’t always cared that much about humans. Yes you! I didn’t care about you, human beings. I hated all humans. I hated all humans, until I was given the honor to experience a human growing inside me, TWICE! I hated all humans, until I got pregnant, twice. I hated all humans, until God gave me two little humans to take care of. With no instructions, no blueprint, no manuals, no guarantee. I hated all humans until I had to improvise to raise two human beings trusted in my care.

But ever since then, for me, these are the only two people on the planet worth living for, worth fighting for and worth dedicating this planet for. These are the two people that had managed to prevent me from committing suicide when my husband died (he used to be my reason to live). These are the two people who scream and shout at each other over the most unessential things, but at the same time, laugh together because of it. These are the two people who have glued this family together and kept me sane (most of the time).

These are my two reasons to live…

The first one was born in the middle of a snowstorm in Salt Lake City, Utah, U.S.A., 19 years ago. It had been snowing three days in a row, non-stop. But snow somehow has been given a “role” by Mother Earth as a phenomenon of nature that has the power of speech or music. It has the ability to give a heart an immediate change of mood. And so while everything was melodiously white, Cassandra was born. Cassandra Niki Sucahyo.

The second one was born down-under, in the land of the long white cloud, Aotearoa. You may know it as New Zealand. 15 years ago, in a tiny village of Timaru in the South Island of New Zealand, spring had just begun. The season of hope. And in this season of hope, the season that marks the beginning of new lives, new hopes and new dreams, a new human life was also beginning. We named her Sky. Sky Dwi-Drupadi Sucahyo.

To them, I owe this life. Because as I spend all these years improvising and trying my best to teach them all about life, as it turns out… most of time… it is THEM teaching me what life is all about…

So here they are… presenting… my two reasons to live… Cassey & Sky…



[Uhm… well… they haven’t quite turned out as sophisticated and lady-like as I had planned… but hey… they’re not perfect!!! Hahaha… I know you hate me for posting this video, girls… But I think we might as well admit that we’re a dysfunctional family, right? Luv ya!]