A Fool Once More

Dear Bo…
How are you today? Hope you’re alright and still guarding my sky … I really need you now… I need to tell you something… It was full moon two nights ago and something extraordinary happened to me… Something that I didn’t expect would ever happen… And I am a fool once more… Crushed and not really sure what’s real… Starting to trust irrelevant things again… And now from the dark, I can see your eagle wings… Spread and soar as your spirit sings… Please take me with you and teach me the little things you used to do… the little things with which I hope to win a heart, the way you won mine…

Dear Bo…
You used to say full moon on the desert is mystically powerful for it is like the throne of a goddess to whom we pray… It dominates the dark and makes you do what your heart commands to do… Its light is made holly by the dazzling angels’ tears, mending every broken heart and bringing back lost dreams… You were so right… It must be the full moon… But then, there were other full moons in over a year that I waited… Why now? It was so torturing not knowing… But now that I know, it doesn’t feel any better… And now as the cool evening shrinks to a dog bark outside, I can feel your sweet eyes roam… Well, don’t look now… Because I’m still lost and confused… I don’t have the slightest clue what to do…

Dear Bo…
Christmas is coming… For once, this isn’t the Christmas I’m looking forward to… Because I’m so afraid of what I would find as my present underneath the Christmas tree this year… I’m so afraid that whatever Santa brings me this year might just blow my heart to pieces… I don’t think I can handle that anymore… I know my heart has been resilient enough to endure the worst of the worst… And I’ve survived… But not this time… Not this one… I can’t afford to get hurt anymore… How can I make sure of that? And now I can see you climbing back to heaven, gazing on the earth from time to time… While you’re among the stars up there, please ask them what is the reasoning for this?

Dear Bo…
Two nights ago the moon was shinning brightly upon your grave… Did you feel it? Did you know what I was going through? Did you see there was a dark crimson river of blood from my heart? I didn’t know that happiness could also torment you like this… I guess you’re right once again… That the TRUTH about the TRUTH is that it hurts… But then I remember you telling me that you learn something or feel something completely new when you break your heart in the right way… But I don’t want to learn anything new anymore… Because the world and I are already not on speaking terms. The world keeps trying to win me back, but it hasn’t worked. I guess I’m just not the forgiving type… I don’t know why I crave for this so much… Please tell me why…

Dear Bo…
So you said I must read the signs… I did… I am… The signs are everywhere… So obvious they’re hard to miss… Yet, I know I’m only a fool… I’m a fool once more…