November 03, 2008

Balada Topeng Monyet

Pertanyaan ini selalu dan sangat mengganggu gw: KENAPA SIH MANUSIA SENENG BANGET NYIKSA BINATANG FOR OUR OWN ENTERTAINMENT???

Di jalan otw ke PIM hari ini, again, gw ngeliat seekor monyet di pinggir jalan. Berkemeja warna kelabu, tanpa celana, sedang naik sepeda mungil yang dibuatkan khusus untuknya. Di lehernya, seutas rantai membelit dan ujung rantai tersebut dipegang erat oleh seorang manusia yang duduk santai sambil memainkan musik asal-asalan berbekal sebuah rebana. Anak-anak kecil pun mengerubung. Senyum ceria dan tawa geli menghiasi wajah-wajah lugu mereka setiap kali si monyet menari-nari atau dengan terampil bolak-balik naik sepeda. Tapi gw… gw pengen nangis… gw pengen teriak… gw pengen ikat itu manusia dengan rantai dan membuat dia menari-nari sambil naik sepeda! See whether he likes it…

Ah… Lingkaran setan yang tidak juga terputus. Begitu jelas bahwa kemajuan teknologi, gaya hidup modern dan beragam kecanggihan yang telah kita capai, sama sekali tidak berdampak pada pola pikir dan cara pandang. Dan anak-anak kecil itu, generasi penerus kita, kembali kita ajarkan hal yang itu-itu juga. Tidak ada yang berubah. Pendidikan kita tidak menyentuh hati nurani dan budi pekerti. Pelajaran agama di sekolah hanya sebatas menghapal dan menunaikan sejumlah ritual. Tak ada artinya. Manusia tetap saja tidak mampu melihat binatang dan tumbuhan lebih dari sekedar sumber daya alam yang bisa dimanfaatkan.

Tidakkah cukup bahwa habitat mereka makin hari makin berkurang untuk kepentingan kita? Untuk perumahan, untuk lahan pertanian dan perkebunan, untuk infrastruktur, untuk industri, untuk pembangunan. Mereka harus mengalah terus. Dan pada saat mereka turun ke desa-desa dan bahkan kota-kota untuk mencari makan di “habitat” kita, dan bahkan kadang juga memakan kita, karena sumber makanan mereka yang makin sedikit di habitat yang makin sempit… kita malah menyalahkan mereka, memburu dan membunuh mereka dengan penuh dendam. Mana hati nurani itu? Mana budi pekerti itu? Apakah semua ajaran itu hanya ditujukan untuk sesama manusia saja? Bukankah semua kitab suci dan berbagai kearifan masa lalu justru mengajarkan kita untuk menghormati dan mencintai segenap makhluk hidup di semesta alam ini? Itu berarti termasuk binatang dan tumbuhan, baik di daratan maupun di lautan!

Dan ini yang paling penting untuk diingat: MEREKA BUKAN SUMBER HIBURAN! Bahkan kalaupun beberapa spesies (gw tekankan: BEBERAPA, bukan SEMUA), mereka harus dimanfaatkan secara berkelanjutan untuk kesejahteraan semua makhluk hidup, bukan semata untuk kesejahteraan kita, apalagi untuk kesenangan belaka. Karena semua makhluk hidup yang ada di planet ini adalah amanah. Bagi yang mengaku beragama, pasti tahu hal ini, tapi tidak pernah peduli. Kesejahteraan dan kelestarian mereka adalah tanggung-jawab kita sebagai penjaga planet ini... the stewards of the Earth... That's who we're supposed to be!

Bangsa ini… entah bagaimana menyadarkannya… Bukan hanya topeng monyet yang kita nikmati di negara ini sebagai pelipur lara dan pengundang tawa sementara. Kita punya begitu banyak kebiasaan, tradisi, adat dan bahkan ritual-ritual yang dihubungkan dengan agama-agama tertentu, yang menggunakan binatang-binatang tak berdaya ini sebagai “alatnya”. Sebut saja lomba karapan sapi di Madura, persembahan penyu hijau yang dikaitkan dengan ritual agama Hindu Bali, sabung ayam di berbagai tempat di pulau Jawa dan Sumatera, sampai sabung ikan cupang yang sering dimainkan anak-anak SD di seantero Nusantara. Masyarakat Manado bahkan dengan bangga menyatakan diri sebagai “pemakan segala”… dari mulai tikus putih, kelelawar, anjing, kucing, hingga ular berbisa. Pasar-pasar yang menjual beragam daging binatang di Manado kini sering disebut-sebut sebagai salah satu atraksi wisata di sana. Mana hati nurani? Mana budi pekerti? Mana manusia sejati?

Tidak ada.

Sampai pegel kepala gw nengok kesana kemari, GAK ADA.

Tidak lagi bisa ditemui spesies “unggulan” yang bernama manusia. Spesies yang telah diciptakan Tuhan begitu sempurna, telah menyia-nyiakan kesempurnaan itu dengan suksesnya. Akal yang cemerlang dan hati yang suci tidak pernah lagi digunakan secara berbarengan. Gak sinkron! Gak connect! Masing-masing digunakan sendiri-sendiri sehingga tidak pernah menghasilkan kearifan dan kemuliaan abadi yang direncanakan Tuhan untuk manusia. Yang lebih parah lagi, belakangan ini, manusia bahkan sering tidak menggunakan hatinya. Mereka hanya menggunakan akal semata, untuk keinginan dan kepentingan pribadi atau kelompoknya.

Dan binatang, tumbuhan, alam, harus mengalah... lagi...

Tapi mengalah bukan berarti kalah. Alam kini sedang menyusun strategi. Pembalasan alam sudah mulai berdatangan satu per satu. Tsunami, longsor, banjir, climate change, global warming, anak kecil tewas dimakan Komodo, petani Sumatera mati mengenaskan atau luka-luka parah diserang harimau, dan masih banyak lagi. Ini belum seberapa. Alam baru ngomel-ngomel aja nih... belum benar-benar balas dendam...

Percayalah... suatu hari nanti... kita pun akan punah, sama seperti dinosaurus. Bukan karena hal ini sudah tertulis di kitab-kitab suci... melainkan karena keserakahan, kebodohan, ketidak-pedulian kita sendiri... Kiamat adalah hasil karya kita. Bukan hasil karya Tuhan. When nature fights back, when nature declares war on us... trust me... you'd be wishing that you're dead already... Kiamat only applies to us, guys! Coz when we're all gone, the planet WILL live on.

Dan gw yakin, pada saat itu, gantian segenap flora dan fauna akan mentertawakan kita, menjadikan kita sebagai sumber hiburannya!

God help us and have mercy on our lost souls…

October 29, 2008

Absurdity

I haven’t become a stranger to myself. This is me all over again. Back where I started. And as always, there’s that question again, “How the hell did I get here?” And of course an answer comes from within, an answer I’m trying to ignore but can’t, “Oh ya… I remember… No wonder.” Even thoughts of you in distant places can’t distract the lunacy. Not even the constant image of you in my mind every time I open my eyes (and close my eyes) can divert the madness. Not even the glows inside me every time I think of you can entertain the insanity of the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I do long to see you again. It’s just that I’m sort of out of focus, out of faith, out of my mind. I don’t know how to solve this problem. Oh well, I guess endless days with no escape are just empty spaces that will be filled again with gladness. Soon. Must believe that, right?

I have invested a lot towards these unrequited dreams. It’s totally mental of me if you think about it. I got here because of you. My sixth sense has warned me again and again about you. Do I listen? No. Of course not. Instead, I invest at least fifteen minutes of my time every day to strategize and start a fresh attempt. Then I invest at least three to four times a day (sometimes more), fifteen minutes each time, to fantasize about what would happen if I succeed. What would you say? How would you say it? How would I respond? What would I say? What would we do next? Absurd.

Where the hell are the angels? I thought angels are beings who invest in your plan and take a small share called “peace on earth”. I’m now connected and wired. I’m on the radar. I’ve made sure of it, technologically and spiritually. What’s missing? Nothing. I’ve left every door open to let you in. Maybe the angels have retired? But even retired persons are wired these days. Maybe they’re just too lazy to stay online and check their Goddamn emails. Those are prayers, you idiots! Read them and grant them for once!

There’s this cool picture I found on a friend’s blog in the internet that reads “Dear heart, I met a boy today. Prepare to shatter.” Yeah, it’s so true. I should’ve said that too when I met you. I should've negotiated with my heart instead of talking to the stupid angels. So here it goes. Hope it's not too late.

Dear heart, I met a boy. Not today, but a while ago. Well, he's not actually a boy. He's a man, but men are just boys. They're only taller, right? Anyway, I’m too stupid right now to quit dreaming. So prepare to shatter. Oh ya… you HAVE shattered. Slowly and painfully. Sorry. Oh by the way, prepare to do more stupid things in the future because of it! Yes, I do realize the damages have been ridiculous, but I’m not done yet.

I haven’t become a stranger to myself after all. It’s still me. These sacrifices had better be worth it!

October 27, 2008

Bali, the way I remembered it…

[Bali, 17 - 19 October 2008]

For the past 8 years, my professional life in an event organizer, then in a media, then in conservation organizations has brought me to the Island of the Gods, Bali, over and over again. So much so that I usually had to forcefully resist the urge to puke every time I got an assignment in Bali – an event, a media coverage, a seminar, a survey, a workshop, a field visit, a meeting – whatever. Bali was no longer fun. Bali spelled work, in huge fonts and bold capitals – W.O.R.K.

Then a couple weekends ago, after 8 years, I finally… FINALLY… got to enjoy Bali the way I used to remember it.

It started out when a friend of mine told me that she was going to Bali to take a dive-refresher course. She was going for a week with friends from her college-years in San Francisco. So it was a reunion trip, as well as a dive trip. But because I couldn’t take the whole week off from work, I promised to join them in the weekend. So on Friday, 17 October 2008, at nearly 9 PM, I flew to Bali… again… But this time, I didn’t bring my laptop, I didn’t bring communication materials, I didn’t bring rundown sheets, I didn’t bring a tape recorder… basically, other than my blackberry, I didn’t bring any work at all!!! My God, that felt so good… If I could leave my brain at home, I probably would’ve done that too!

It was almost midnight when I arrived at Ngurah Rai International Airport. Following directions from my friend, I took a taxi to our rented villa in Seminyak. Located in the southern coast of Bali, Seminyak is the trendiest and most fashionable area in this island. I was heading to Villa Amertha, a tiny complex consisting four private 2-bedroom villas. Situated on Jl. Petitenget No. 30, Villa Amertha was apparently pretty new as the taxi driver was not familiar with the name or how to get there.

It took a while for us to finally find the small road off the main street that lead to the villa. But for once, I didn’t mind getting lost in Bali in the middle of the night. I was so relaxed I didn’t even care if the driver was only pretending not to know the way. As the wonderfully sweet fragrance of Balinese incense on the dashboard of the taxi delicately filled the air that I breathed, enchanting vibrations that I have long forgotten came rushing back. This mythical island is rich with enthralling beauty and charming rituals, as well as sprawling night clubs, distinctive shops and themed resorts. It is a mixture of the old and the new. This is what visiting Bali is all about. Bali is not for work. It’s for play. I was carefree. I was in Bali!

My friend, Uga, wasn’t there when I got to the villa. She was out at a nearby club but said she would come straight to get me. Again, I didn’t mind. As I waited for her in the reception area, a faint yet captivating sound of gamelan played from somewhere. Not sure from where, but it was definitely calming. Gone all the battles in my head, all the conservation worries, all the worldly anxiety. I was in extraordinary peace.

Ten minutes later, Uga showed up on a motorbike. She let me into the villa, which turned out to be very pleasant indeed! It had two spacious bedrooms, each with its own semi-open-air bathroom and walking closet. A medium-sized swimming pool adorned the small yard, adjacent to the open-air kitchen and living area. Very cute and very homey. But no time to be too comfortable. I was in Bali. I mustn’t be spending too much time in the villa, but out and about. So I quickly freshened up and then joined Uga to the club, where we danced the night away to the exceptional mixture of psychedelics, jazz and funk (* to Ridwan and Gerhan – sorry guys if I got it wrong * :-p). The two featuring young DJs, Ridwan and Gerhan, who later became my friends (as they were also staying with us at the villa), were so gifted with their music. It’s nothing like the typical progressive-house music they usually played in clubs here. Ridwan’s and Gerhan’s music was fresh and so addictive. It was hard not to dance to their beat. This is Bali the way I used to remember it!

The next day, we started out a lazy morning lazing around the lazy swimming pool. Then at around 10.30-ish, Uga and Erlene asked me to drive them (since none of them knew how drive the rented stick-shift car) to Denpasar to buy the famously delicious Balinese pork sausages. They assumed I knew my way around since I had lived in Bali for a year. They couldn’t be more wrong! Hahaha! I had to make several phone calls to Pak Made, my office driver when I worked here, before I finally figured out how to get there. By the time we got back to the villa, it was well after 1.30 in the afternoon. Everyone was waiting for us to go to lunch. Ooops! Sorry guys…

We had lunch at Made’s Warung. This place is well-known as THE eating place (and sometimes hangout place) of Jakartans. If you’re from Jakarta, it would be very likely to find and meet other friends from Jakarta in this place. We didn’t meet anyone that day though. The chic restaurant was quite empty, maybe because lunch time was over. But we didn’t mind. In fact, we were glad that the place wasn’t so crowded. Our group was already big enough to crowd the place. There were eleven of us on a long wooden table, enjoying Nasi Goreng Made and Nasi Campur. The food was excellent. The drinks were cold and refreshing. The friendship and laughter were outstanding! This is Bali the way I used to remember it.

Next on our unofficial agenda were beach-lazying and a bit of swimming on Padang-Padang Beach in Jimbaran. This particular beach is actually more popular among surfers. But the secluded white sandy bay, enclosed by magnificent cliffs, is also ideal for swimmers and sunbathers. And that was exactly what we did. We swam and sunbathed. Well, I swam, but I didn’t sunbathe. God knows I’m not that crazy about the sun. I don’t like looking too tanned. Besides, I was born tanned for Heaven’s sake! I don’t need to be darker than I already am. Most bule would say that tanned women are exotic. But to me, the darker they are, the more they look like they need a serious full-body scrub, with lots of soap and shampoo! Sorry if I offended anyone…

On the way back to the villa, we had “nasi pedas” (spicy rice) at a small rice stall in Tuban. Some people also call it “nasi setan” (the devil’s rice). You can guess why it got that name. Yes, the rice comes with chili sauce that is sooo damn hot and spicy. But to me, it is the unspeakable and notorious spiciness that actually boosts my appetite. Yummy! Then after the spicy dinner, we had to go back to the villa and pack, because the next day we had to fly home. So the day ended… But memories linger…

On Sunday, not much to do anymore before we went to the airport to catch our flight, so I went with Rani, Icha and her husband Ridwan to have a quick breakfast at Bali Deli, not far from the villa (in the middle of breakfast, Icha suddenly got a bad stomachache and had to do the “number 2”… so I quickly drove her back to the villa and dropped her off to do her business). Uga and Erlene decided to do some more last-minute shopping. The “unlikely-yet-very-cute” couple, Gerhan and Anti, were still asleep. Gerhan, Anti and Rani would not go back to Jakarta with us. They were extending their stay for a couple more days. Lucky bastards! Hahaha!

Bali… It’s sure good to get to know you again. Bali is definitely THE place to relax and have fun (and go wild if you wish). As it turns out… the island of the Gods is still my favorite… It may not be as spectacular and jaw-dropping as Komodo Island in Flores or the Islands of Raja Ampat in Papua, but its charm, culture, lifestyle and endless fun are… so far… unparalleled by any other island in this country. Glad I came out here this weekend… Glad I was in Bali not for work, but for fun… ‘cause this is Bali the way I used to remember it.

Uga, Erlene, Rani, Icha, DJ Ridwan, DJ Gerhan, Anti and Sisi… Hope to see you guys again and go wild in Bali!!!

For now, the trip ended... but memories linger... And I'm back in HELL-IALITY. Shit.

October 15, 2008

More than I should

More than it should, the silence of my nights holds tender memories about you. More than they should, dark cloudless skies constantly remind me of you. More than they should, quite thoughts bring your smiles to every corner of the walls in my room. And more than I should, I find myself wishing for the velvety moon to tap on your door and letting you know that I like you, more than I should…

More than they should, the cool shades of dawn start my every day with renewed hopes. More than it should, every conversation with you, no matter how trivial, sounds like a love song. More than it should, the jingle of your laughter brings sweet dreams on green meadows. More than it should, each heartbeat seems to take forever. And more than I should, more than ever lately, I have to admit that I like you, more than I should…

More than it should, my mind violently refuses to understand where I stand, that this isn’t what I’ve planned. More than it should, every cell of my existence stubbornly finds its own reason to justify what I feel, explaining that you’re the only one who gets it and so you must be the healing blue ocean and the eagle of the sky. More than it should, my soul gets more and more restless, rejecting to endure much longer and letting you simply reside wordlessly inside. More than it should, my heart keeps failing to recognize that this feeling could possibly jeopardize the very comfort of not having more than I should…

Yeah, it’s just me, wanting what I can’t have. Typical.

October 13, 2008

purnama

purnama
kamu ada di sini
dalam hati yang bergayut lirih
di dahan kehidupan
aku ingin rebah di sana
dalam balutan cahaya
dan minta kabulkan doa

purnama
lelah menanti dalam gelisah
pelukan waktu yang tak juga
membuka tirainya
izinkan aku masuk
dalam pelukanmu
agar malam tak lagi datang

purnama
tolong cerita ada apa di balik sana
di balik setiap tanda
yang kerap muncul begitu saja
meski terus kucoba berpaling
namun hati tetap mengikuti
bagai terpikat pesona mantra
ada apa?

purnama
rembulan cantik mahkota langit
lindungi aku dari kecewa
hadirkan mimpiku
dalam nyata hari-hariku
agar tak henti ikut denyut nadi
perkaya segenap jiwa

purnamaku... kamu...
saat mentari menjelang...

[full moon October 13th, 2008]

September 26, 2008

PRAYER ON A CLOUDY DAY

Today, the usually optimistic sunrise is hidden behind hopeless clouds. Only morning dews groan aghast. I wish to go back to sleep under blankets of dreams, so I don’t have to face the thunder of truth in my heart.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Today, as the daughter of earth and ocean, I want to bask in Heaven’s blue smile. I want to see the light of the angels’ golden wings and be given what my heart desires to get.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen.

I change but I cannot die. Like a child from the womb and the ghost from the tomb, I am only here, still hoping to dance about the sun once again…

Bapa kami yang di surga, aku mencintai-MU.
Semua kutukan nenek moyangku, papa mamaku,
keluargaku, pasanganku, mereka yang sudah meninggal dunia
dan bahkan juga aku sendiri, aku patahkan dalam KUASAMU.
Sakit penyakit dalam tubuhku dan keluargaku
telah ENGKAU sembuhkan.
Berkatilah aku, pasangan hidupku, anak-anakku,
semua keluargaku, rumahku, pekerjaanku serta teman-temanku.
Jadikanlah kami kepanjangan hati dan tangan-MU.
Dalam nama TUHAN YESUS kami berdoa.
AMIN.

September 18, 2008

Winter, Skiing & Just Me

Grey sky and purpled lights on canyon streets. Enchanted little towns all draped in white. God, I miss the days when the whirls of snow enlivened me with joy. I miss those snowy mountains where even spirits walk ever so slowly, swept by cold. I miss the feeling of my foot sinking deep in virgin snow, one by one, leaving intriguing footprints. I miss the days when winter meant body in motion on a downhill dare… SKIING!!! I miss the sensual feeling of icy winds rushing all around me, surrounded by beautiful landscape, whispers of snow and the occasional glimmer of dancing sunlight as it kissed the clouds. It’s like being free of the restraints that bind me to the earth. God, I miss winter… I miss skiing… I miss being me, just me…



Instead, here I am, trapped in tropical heat. Not only that, I’m trapped in a country where the new are born to destroy the old. A nation where dreams are easily broken. A place where respect must be automatically given to older people and people with certain statuses in life. A place where religion is not a choice but must be inherited from fathers to sons, from mothers to daughters, from families to families. I have no more empathy for my own people. I have no more respect for the culture, the religions, the norms and all the shit they made me grow up with. I know that’s bad. But who are all these people anyway? They flow in the veins of every city, every town, every village and every kampung to lie and to steal. And they don’t only steal money. They steal pride and dignity. They steal love and lust. They steal spirits and freedom. And they do it while hiding like butterflies among fluttering leaves. They’re all like that. That’s why I wish we could have winter here… coz when all the leaves dry out and fall to the ground, they would no longer have a place to hide… And they would die on the snow and I would freely ski on them! God, I miss winter… I miss skiing… I miss being me, just me…

It’s almost October and winter is fast approaching the northern hemisphere. It’s almost ski season again. But I’m here where people only know one season… THE HOT SEASON. You may think we have two seasons in the tropics – dry season and rainy season – but you’re wrong. You see, when it’s dry, it’s hot. When it’s wet, it’s hot. So we only have one season: THE HOT SEASON. No flowery springs, no wild summers, no romantic autumns and no soothing winter. No winter. No ice sheets. No snow flakes whirling fantastically in misty air. No winter. And so here I am. I’m the one who goes late in the streets and thinks of murder. I’d like to murder all those people who destroyed every single thing I believed in. I’m the one who lies staring and thinks of death. Maybe death is the only way out. I’m the one who has suffered, clenches her hands despairing, holds her breath and thinks the air is fire. In this room, silently, I miss winter… I miss skiing… I miss being me, just me…

September 16, 2008

IT'S A MUST!

unfortunately
my heart wasn't made of stone
unfortunately
it's so fragile and easily broken

a year has burned out red and gold
but the colors bled into my world and died
leaving a space
between believing and not believing
between faith and death
between existence and emptiness
not quite here
not quite there
not quite anywhere

unfortunately
it's just a space
a very uncomfortable space

unfortunately
i'm quite stubborn
so i'm insisting
and i'm pressing on
bleeding to death
but still pressing on

because i believe
it's a MUST!

September 09, 2008

off to college she goes...

So… she’s off to college. My oldest daughter, Cassey. Insisting she would NOT go to college anywhere near her nagging mother, here she is now… in the culturally intense, historically significant, yet pretty much sleepy small town of Jogjakarta.

A huge change for an “I’m-always-trendy”, “I-refuse-to-look-ugly”, “I-must-be-popular”, typical big city girl like her. A transformation that will need a bit of revolution. Not only because she’s away from me and the rest of her family, she’s also away from her boyfriend who is now starting college in Bandung, away from ALL of her dearest friends who mostly are starting college in Jakarta and Bandung, AND away from all the little conveniences that she’s used to… such as maids, driver, highly sophisticated malls, fashionable hangout places, cool concerts and other hip events.

Here in Jogja, she only has a tiny studio-like space she must now call “home” and a sport bicycle as her means of transportation. Her hangout places from now on will be those small coffee and rice stalls or warung. There’re only a couple of really good clubs in town and they’re quite far from where she lives. There are plenty of malls, but none that matches the style and class of those in the capital city. But… I guess these extraordinary challenges ahead are very much appropriate to test her strength and her will, especially because she is now… a philosophy student. Yes, out of all the trendy available choices, she chose to study the mother of all knowledge, the root of all comprehension, the origin of all understanding… Philosophy.

Now… let’s see how the young philosopher-wanna-be did in her first week in Jogjakarta…

I had to come with her. Of course. It’s useless telling her that when I went to college in the States, which was lot farther then Jogjakarta, I went alone without mom, dad or anyone… Nope, no point telling her that, because in those final days in Jakarta, she was already panicking. What to bring, what not to bring, what to buy in Jakarta, what could wait ‘til she arrived in Jogja, whether to call her boyfriend, whether not to call her boyfriend, whether this and that. It was hell. She was excited and nervous at the same time. She was crying and laughing at the same time. She was hell. And I couldn’t blame her…

We arrived in Jogja early in a Friday morning. After seeing the studio she rented, I was quite relieved. It’s clean, well-maintained, close to various food stalls, close to Jogjakarta’s newest mall and most importantly, close to her campus, which only 300 meter away. It already came with a clean bathroom, a nice spring bed, clothes drawers and a big TV stand with lots of storage spaces. Now, my task was how to make her feel at home enough so she wouldn’t ask me to send her a ticket home every few weeks. So we shopped.

The first three days in Jogja, we shopped and shopped and shopped. Money ran through my fingers like water. A flat-screen 21” TV, a small fridge, a stylish study table, a hanging book rack, cable TV connection, internet connection and a whole bunch of other stuff. I must admit, I was probably going over the top (and definitely way over budget) in the desperate attempt to minimize the difference between being here and being back in Jakarta. So I spoiled her a bit. So what? I have the right to be a mushy touchy feely mom too sometimes…

Then came the first test for the young philosopher. Cleaning her bathroom. Something she never had to do, EVER, in her 18.5 years of life.

Yes, she had responsibilities at home too. Ever since she was old enough to walk, I already taught her to tidy up her own room, her own toys, her own books, etcetera. As she grew older she even had to help me out in the kitchen. That was since she was around 6 years old. But cleaning the bathroom? No, I never made her do that, since I don’t even like doing it myself. As it turned out though, she did alright (it means she didn’t vomit). I was quite proud and relieved. At least now I’m rest assured that the place wouldn’t look like a total muddle of shit next time I visit her.

The second test was the bicycle. I didn’t buy her a car, God knows I can’t afford it. I didn’t buy her a motorbike, God knows I could never trust her with it. So I got her a bicycle. Cheap, healthy and environmentally-friendly. The question is: can she handle the traffic on it?

She knows how to ride a bike of course. She’s done it since she was four. But so far, she only rode her bike around our safe and protected housing complex. She never had to face horrible traffic on it. And now, to get to campus, she must ride along the famous “Selokan Mataram” for a couple hundred meters, then make a U-turn on one of Jogja’s busiest streets, “Jl. Gejayan”, then continue on a little bit more on a reasonably-wide-but-sometimes-busy campus street before she’d arrive right at the doorstep of her faculty. Can she handle it?

She was mighty nervous. I casually said, “It’s not that bad, Cas. Jl. Gejayan is busy, but it’s nothing compared to any street in Jakarta. And it’s only a 300 meter ride. It’s short and easy! No big deal!” But actually, I WAS TERRIFIED BEYOND WORDS!!! So one morning before I was scheduled to leave, I MADE HER PRACTICE. She was on her bike and I accompanied her all the way on another bike, a bike that belongs to another girl in the complex. Mind you, this is a girl that I didn’t know, a girl that she didn’t know, but we woke her up that morning anyway JUST to borrow her bike. Pretty smooth, Mom! It shows that you’re not nervous at all! Right.

Thankfully, she survived that practice. Oh forget her, thankfully I SURVIVED THAT PRACTICE. She just didn’t know that the last time I rode a bike in heavy traffic like that was in high school!!! I was nervous seeing the traffic just as much as she did and started wondering whether buying her a bike was a HUGE mistake. But… WE SURVIVED. And now, she loves the bike. Phew! Thank God! I can breathe now…

Then it was time to leave her. This is it. This isn’t a weekend camping trip or a summer getaway anymore. This is a trip to the rest of her life. This is a trip to adulthood. This is the mean real world and I’m leaving her in it. This is a trip to forever. Next time she comes back home, I know it’s never gonna be “home” to her ever again. She’s on her own, she’s all grown up.

Finally… I have to admit that as it turns out… it’s sooo… BLOODY HARD… to let a kid grow up and leave home… leave me... Finally, I know what my parents must’ve felt when I left them at the age of 18 to the United States! I’m breaking apart just letting Cassey go to Jogja, which is less than an-hour flight from Jakarta. Imagine having her leave me to another country! Well, I know… I know that time will come too. But until then, I just hope she’s alright. I hope she’s having heaps of fun. And I hope she’s making something useful with her life, because from now on… her life is totally hers.

Good luck, Cas. Be a philosopher. Be anything, as long as you’re happy. Take care. I love you.

Hyderabad, the Pearl of India

Beyond India's more popular cities, New Delhi and Mumbai (formerly known as Bombay), discover an ancient city so rich in history, culture and nature. Capture the beauty and serenity of real India. Celebrate the wonders of Hyderabad, the City of Pearl, where history stands the test of time.

Hyderabad is a place of magic. The old city, situated on the south bank of Musi River, boasts a wide choice of places to visit and experience. Colorful historical palaces as well as warm-hearted local people who are eager to share their cultural heritage with you, lie on this bank, which is considered the center of old Hyderabad.

One of the most magnificent pieces in Hyderabad is the Chaminar. Built in the 16th century by the Qutb Shahi King, Mohammad Quli Qutb Shah, prepare yourself to be awed by the glorious edifice of Chaminar. While admiring the decorative pillars and walls, you can't help but imagine the powerful and majestic reverence the city's ancestors must have felt for this palace. It is no wonder that the local people of Hyderabad take enormous pride in it.

Letting the history bug move you along, you will arrive at yet another splendid architecture, the Falaknuma Palace. Extraordinary works of Florentine sculptors decorate its interior with seemingly no expense spared. Only 5 km from Chaminar, this piece of architecture was built in the 19th century and was often used by India's high officials to host very elegant dinners in the State Reception Room, boasting a 100-seater amazingly stunning dining table. Standing atop a high hillock, the palace also commands a grand view of the city of Hyderabad.

Attention shoppers! Hyderabad jewelries are popular for their quality of luster, whether it's natural, cultured or even imitation. Stroll along the Lad Bazaar to the west of Chaminar and make your own fashion statement with an eclectic collection of bangles, cosmetics and henna, to name just a few. For more upmarket taste, shop at the Golden Mile of Hyderabad which sells nearly all varieties that your heart could possibly desire.

If you may want to appreciate more culture, then proceed to Shilparamam, which literally means “sculpture village”. Here, other than buying sculpted handicrafts and artwork, you can also take in Carnatic performances at an open-air auditorium.

The best fuel for a trip to India is pure adventure in its lush tropical landscape and a chance to encounter wildlife. So for those of you nature lovers, you must not forget to journey to the Bahadurpura area, where around 1,500 animal species roam happily in the Nehru Zoological Park. Take a safari through the domain of lions, tigers, wild oxen, panthers and elephants!

There is still much more to see in this old glittering city. The longer you stay, the more you are hypnotized by the sheer magnet of enchanting Indian culture. And when you go home, you'll always be dreaming of the captivated land of India through its charming Hyderabad.