off to college she goes...

So… she’s off to college. My oldest daughter, Cassey. Insisting she would NOT go to college anywhere near her nagging mother, here she is now… in the culturally intense, historically significant, yet pretty much sleepy small town of Jogjakarta.

A huge change for an “I’m-always-trendy”, “I-refuse-to-look-ugly”, “I-must-be-popular”, typical big city girl like her. A transformation that will need a bit of revolution. Not only because she’s away from me and the rest of her family, she’s also away from her boyfriend who is now starting college in Bandung, away from ALL of her dearest friends who mostly are starting college in Jakarta and Bandung, AND away from all the little conveniences that she’s used to… such as maids, driver, highly sophisticated malls, fashionable hangout places, cool concerts and other hip events.

Here in Jogja, she only has a tiny studio-like space she must now call “home” and a sport bicycle as her means of transportation. Her hangout places from now on will be those small coffee and rice stalls or warung. There’re only a couple of really good clubs in town and they’re quite far from where she lives. There are plenty of malls, but none that matches the style and class of those in the capital city. But… I guess these extraordinary challenges ahead are very much appropriate to test her strength and her will, especially because she is now… a philosophy student. Yes, out of all the trendy available choices, she chose to study the mother of all knowledge, the root of all comprehension, the origin of all understanding… Philosophy.

Now… let’s see how the young philosopher-wanna-be did in her first week in Jogjakarta…

I had to come with her. Of course. It’s useless telling her that when I went to college in the States, which was lot farther then Jogjakarta, I went alone without mom, dad or anyone… Nope, no point telling her that, because in those final days in Jakarta, she was already panicking. What to bring, what not to bring, what to buy in Jakarta, what could wait ‘til she arrived in Jogja, whether to call her boyfriend, whether not to call her boyfriend, whether this and that. It was hell. She was excited and nervous at the same time. She was crying and laughing at the same time. She was hell. And I couldn’t blame her…

We arrived in Jogja early in a Friday morning. After seeing the studio she rented, I was quite relieved. It’s clean, well-maintained, close to various food stalls, close to Jogjakarta’s newest mall and most importantly, close to her campus, which only 300 meter away. It already came with a clean bathroom, a nice spring bed, clothes drawers and a big TV stand with lots of storage spaces. Now, my task was how to make her feel at home enough so she wouldn’t ask me to send her a ticket home every few weeks. So we shopped.

The first three days in Jogja, we shopped and shopped and shopped. Money ran through my fingers like water. A flat-screen 21” TV, a small fridge, a stylish study table, a hanging book rack, cable TV connection, internet connection and a whole bunch of other stuff. I must admit, I was probably going over the top (and definitely way over budget) in the desperate attempt to minimize the difference between being here and being back in Jakarta. So I spoiled her a bit. So what? I have the right to be a mushy touchy feely mom too sometimes…

Then came the first test for the young philosopher. Cleaning her bathroom. Something she never had to do, EVER, in her 18.5 years of life.

Yes, she had responsibilities at home too. Ever since she was old enough to walk, I already taught her to tidy up her own room, her own toys, her own books, etcetera. As she grew older she even had to help me out in the kitchen. That was since she was around 6 years old. But cleaning the bathroom? No, I never made her do that, since I don’t even like doing it myself. As it turned out though, she did alright (it means she didn’t vomit). I was quite proud and relieved. At least now I’m rest assured that the place wouldn’t look like a total muddle of shit next time I visit her.

The second test was the bicycle. I didn’t buy her a car, God knows I can’t afford it. I didn’t buy her a motorbike, God knows I could never trust her with it. So I got her a bicycle. Cheap, healthy and environmentally-friendly. The question is: can she handle the traffic on it?

She knows how to ride a bike of course. She’s done it since she was four. But so far, she only rode her bike around our safe and protected housing complex. She never had to face horrible traffic on it. And now, to get to campus, she must ride along the famous “Selokan Mataram” for a couple hundred meters, then make a U-turn on one of Jogja’s busiest streets, “Jl. Gejayan”, then continue on a little bit more on a reasonably-wide-but-sometimes-busy campus street before she’d arrive right at the doorstep of her faculty. Can she handle it?

She was mighty nervous. I casually said, “It’s not that bad, Cas. Jl. Gejayan is busy, but it’s nothing compared to any street in Jakarta. And it’s only a 300 meter ride. It’s short and easy! No big deal!” But actually, I WAS TERRIFIED BEYOND WORDS!!! So one morning before I was scheduled to leave, I MADE HER PRACTICE. She was on her bike and I accompanied her all the way on another bike, a bike that belongs to another girl in the complex. Mind you, this is a girl that I didn’t know, a girl that she didn’t know, but we woke her up that morning anyway JUST to borrow her bike. Pretty smooth, Mom! It shows that you’re not nervous at all! Right.

Thankfully, she survived that practice. Oh forget her, thankfully I SURVIVED THAT PRACTICE. She just didn’t know that the last time I rode a bike in heavy traffic like that was in high school!!! I was nervous seeing the traffic just as much as she did and started wondering whether buying her a bike was a HUGE mistake. But… WE SURVIVED. And now, she loves the bike. Phew! Thank God! I can breathe now…

Then it was time to leave her. This is it. This isn’t a weekend camping trip or a summer getaway anymore. This is a trip to the rest of her life. This is a trip to adulthood. This is the mean real world and I’m leaving her in it. This is a trip to forever. Next time she comes back home, I know it’s never gonna be “home” to her ever again. She’s on her own, she’s all grown up.

Finally… I have to admit that as it turns out… it’s sooo… BLOODY HARD… to let a kid grow up and leave home… leave me... Finally, I know what my parents must’ve felt when I left them at the age of 18 to the United States! I’m breaking apart just letting Cassey go to Jogja, which is less than an-hour flight from Jakarta. Imagine having her leave me to another country! Well, I know… I know that time will come too. But until then, I just hope she’s alright. I hope she’s having heaps of fun. And I hope she’s making something useful with her life, because from now on… her life is totally hers.

Good luck, Cas. Be a philosopher. Be anything, as long as you’re happy. Take care. I love you.