Absurdity

I haven’t become a stranger to myself. This is me all over again. Back where I started. And as always, there’s that question again, “How the hell did I get here?” And of course an answer comes from within, an answer I’m trying to ignore but can’t, “Oh ya… I remember… No wonder.” Even thoughts of you in distant places can’t distract the lunacy. Not even the constant image of you in my mind every time I open my eyes (and close my eyes) can divert the madness. Not even the glows inside me every time I think of you can entertain the insanity of the situation. Don’t get me wrong, I do long to see you again. It’s just that I’m sort of out of focus, out of faith, out of my mind. I don’t know how to solve this problem. Oh well, I guess endless days with no escape are just empty spaces that will be filled again with gladness. Soon. Must believe that, right?

I have invested a lot towards these unrequited dreams. It’s totally mental of me if you think about it. I got here because of you. My sixth sense has warned me again and again about you. Do I listen? No. Of course not. Instead, I invest at least fifteen minutes of my time every day to strategize and start a fresh attempt. Then I invest at least three to four times a day (sometimes more), fifteen minutes each time, to fantasize about what would happen if I succeed. What would you say? How would you say it? How would I respond? What would I say? What would we do next? Absurd.

Where the hell are the angels? I thought angels are beings who invest in your plan and take a small share called “peace on earth”. I’m now connected and wired. I’m on the radar. I’ve made sure of it, technologically and spiritually. What’s missing? Nothing. I’ve left every door open to let you in. Maybe the angels have retired? But even retired persons are wired these days. Maybe they’re just too lazy to stay online and check their Goddamn emails. Those are prayers, you idiots! Read them and grant them for once!

There’s this cool picture I found on a friend’s blog in the internet that reads “Dear heart, I met a boy today. Prepare to shatter.” Yeah, it’s so true. I should’ve said that too when I met you. I should've negotiated with my heart instead of talking to the stupid angels. So here it goes. Hope it's not too late.

Dear heart, I met a boy. Not today, but a while ago. Well, he's not actually a boy. He's a man, but men are just boys. They're only taller, right? Anyway, I’m too stupid right now to quit dreaming. So prepare to shatter. Oh ya… you HAVE shattered. Slowly and painfully. Sorry. Oh by the way, prepare to do more stupid things in the future because of it! Yes, I do realize the damages have been ridiculous, but I’m not done yet.

I haven’t become a stranger to myself after all. It’s still me. These sacrifices had better be worth it!