SOMETHING BLUE

it was a chilly morning. i didn't actually wanna wake up. but perhaps more than anywhere, it was only this stunning place, this God's masterpiece, that could fill me with energy. yes, even this early. blue, blue everywhere... glad i woke up. energy, wilderness and sprawling dry ruggedness were mixed with soft, gentle and awesome visual experience, liable to make jaws drop. little that i knew, it was that morning which started a heartache. it was the morning that made the distance between the depth of the blue ocean and the unthinkable height of the blue sky, simply... disappeared.

it was a test to take on the most vital and organic explosion of life. it was a fascinating insight into my own soul. then afternoon came. still blue. then night fell. dark. yet still blue. but there were bright lights stubbornly dancing with delight. like water, they filled up every single empty space in me, including the ones i didn't know i had. breathless and brighter than any possible reality. i should've had known. they were not real. those bright lights weren't real.

mystical journey beyond time, followed by an anniversary with the one i had lost. it was blue. but it was paradise. the sort of paradise that missed out on the glamour of kingdoms and parades and parties and drugs and rock and roll. shades of nostalgic feelings. all shades of blue. mystical journey that managed to be so sexy, but until now... it remains mystical. it wasn't real. it was more like a delightful decay of an uncertain future. it was this legendary struggle of the heart that made a fragile being like me need to be guided by a shot of tequilla. a stiff shot of tequila. maybe two stiff shots of tequila.

ancient. ancient and blue. ancient and forgotten. but just like this stunning blue ocean, maybe being forgotten could be a gift. on the distant horizon where the sky meets the sea, where serenity is absolute, maybe that is where the ancient, the forgotten and the blue could all be remembered again, rediscovered. that would be nice. it really was almost too perfect. because perfection only belongs to God, then i should've had known, that this too was far from perfect. between the demands of my heart and the pull of reality, at dusk i found that it was only something blue.

yet the blue was so beautiful. can't blame me for still wanting. still waiting. still wishing. that brief early summer mystical journey was essentially untranslatable but meant something like yearning tinged with nostalgia. it formed a deep-rooted force in my heart. and left me obsessing with a tentative vision of a great future. blue but beautiful to behold.

batavia.end.of.feb.2008