Daily Shit Ritual

first of all, i wanna apologize.. sorry if you're grossed out reading this particular article.. i couldn't sleep.. my mind keeps thinking about some of my most profound convictions.. the convictions that have made me a stupid ass for the last 15 months or so.. now that i realize i need to do whatever necessary to preserve my sanity, i kinda wanna think about something else..

something else.. like.. what do you do when you're in the toilet shitting?

okay.. if that's so disgusting for you, don't read on.. go somewhere else nicer with boring people who can't stand shit!

otherwise.. let me tell you.. for me, going to the toilet to shit is the best time of any day ever.. it's like THE ritual that you don't wanna miss! don't you think so too? it's like, the whole world disappears.. it's so peaceful..

back to my question: what is YOUR daily shit ritual?

alrite, i'd start.. but before we get to the actual ritual, it's important to let you know that i don't always have to shit in the morning.. morning is always a nightmare for me.. for those of you who know me well and/or those of you who have followed my blog closely, you'd also know that i HATE mornings.. i hate it passionately! so i always wake up late and therefore i'm always in a hurry in the morning.. especially weekday mornings.. so i don't always have time to shit in the morning.. hell, i don't even have time for breakfast! a quick shower, a cup of coffee, then i'd be out the door..

so this is my shitting ritual every day.. when i get to work, i'd drink another cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette.. this would usually trigger the need to shit.. so i'd light up another cigarette (this is a must.. can't shit without one).. then go to the toilet.. if there's a new magazine that i haven't read, i'd take that with me too.. i'd take my time to read through most of the articles, even though i've finished shitting.. i'd light up another cigarette if i have to.. inspirations could come from reading stuff.. so i would typically also make various mental notes about some of the most interesting and inspirational things that i read in that magazine.. my next blog article, my facebook status, my yahoo messenger status and my blackberry messenger status could all originate from pieces of stuff that i read while shitting..

however, if there is no new magazine, then i just smoke and space out.. spacing out while shitting is the best! trust me! spacing out is the best way to enjoy every drag of my cigarette and every drop of my shit.. wonderful feeling! Highly recommended!

anyway, it's almost 1.30AM.. i'm supposed to sleep soon.. again, sorry if i grossed you out.. but if you got to this last paragraph, then you must be as disgusting as i am.. or as twisted as i am.. or maybe, just like me, you're trying to numb yourself and knock yourself out to sleep without any help of alcohol or other drugs.. so.. i'm just curious.. please drop me a line and tell me: what is YOUR daily shit ritual?

PS: it's a full moon today!