A Personal Tribute to MJ

Oh baby give me one more chance
(show you that I love you)
Won't you please let me
(back in your heart)
Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go
(let you go baby)
But now since I see you in his arms
(I want you back)

I was just 5-month old when The Jackson 5’s first single for Motown, titled “I Want You Back”, was officially released. It was October 7, 1969. The song was an amazing hit, going to number 1 on the US chart, knocking The Beatles’ hit “Let It Be” out of the top spot. It also went to number 2 in the UK and it was selling over 4 million copies globally. Yes MJ, I was only 5-month old. Little that you know, that this 5-month old baby would be one of your biggest fans. Little that you know, that today, on June 26, 2009, on the day you passed away, there’s nothing that I want more than to have you back. MJ, I want you back. Yes, I do…

ABC
Easy as…
123
Or simple as…
Do re mi, ABC, 123
Baby, you and me!

The group’s second single, “ABC”, was released in February 1970. Then the second album, also titled “ABC”, was released in May 1970. I was 1 year old. Yet in 1978 (I was 9), when I heard this song for the first time, I instantly fell in love with it. “ABC” was the first of The Jackson 5’s songs that I listened to. Your angelic voice, combined with catchy and fun lyrics, had captured my heart forever. No wonder it went, again, to number 1 in the US, number 8 in the UK and sold a massive 4.1 million copies worldwide. Ever since then, I’ve been your fan. I sang it and danced to it every chance I got. It was then when I started collecting all of your other songs. And ever since then, loving and respecting your music and showmanship has been as easy as 123, or as simple as do re mi. ABC, 123, baby, you and me!

Don’t blame it on the sunshine
Don’t blame it on the moonlight
Don’t blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie

It was also in 1978 that you and The Jackson 5 released an upbeat and so-fun-to-dance-to disco song “Blame It On The Boogie”. Written by a German-born Yorkshireman singer-songwriter, Mick Jackson, the song was originally intended for Stevie Wonder. It was played for the first time at the 1978 Midem Music Festival in Cannes, France, and a member of The Jackson 5’s entourage was there searching for tracks. Amazed by the name coincidence and impressed by the track itself, he secretly taped it and went back to the States so the band could record it as quickly as possible before Mick's version was released. There was a race to release the tracks - it was called “The Battle of the Boogie” in the newspapers and it was perfect press material: 2 “Michael Jacksons”, 2 versions of “Blame It On The Boogie”. The songs were out within days of each other and it was one of the rare occasions in the modern day that artists charted the same time with the same song. Some fans preferred Mick Jackson's more soulful version. But just like millions of your fans around the world, I personally preferred your more up-tempo dance-worthy version! Don’t blame the other version, don’t blame the sneaky track-stealing entourage, don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, just blame it on the boogie!

Girl, close your eyes
Let that rhythm get into you
Don't try to fight it
There ain't nothin' that you can do
Relax your mind
Lay back and groove with mine
You got to feel that heat
And we can ride the boogie
Share that beat of love

I wanna rock with you (all night)
Dance you into day (sunlight)
I wanna rock with you (all night)
We're gonna rock the night away

And don’t blame me for getting more and more addicted to your music… ‘Cause by the time I was 10, I was uncontrollably captivated and obsessed with you. The year was 1979. It was the year when you released the album “Off The Wall” as a solo artist. No longer part of the Jackson 5, your open-hearted sweet innocent voice, sexy lyrics and insistently upbeat hit on that album, “Rock With You”, totally hypnotized me and summarized everything that made YOU, Michael Jackson, matter. The song sold 7 million copies in the US and more than 20 million copies worldwide. And I closed my eyes, let the rhythm get into me, and rocked the night away. I wanna rock with you, all night…

It’s close to midnight and something evil lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You’re paralyzed

’Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Then came the big bang. It was 1982. I was 13 and I was officially a teenager. It was the start of my rebellion. I was against everything – religions, authorities, norms, traditional Asian values, parents, teachers, rules, regulations – everything. It was the year when my entire music scene changed. I started listening to hard rock and heavy metal, leaving the jazzier, more soulful and poignant music behind. Yet I couldn’t leave you. Not when you released your best-selling album of all time, “Thriller”. In the midst of all my efforts to negate and denounce the world, I couldn’t deny that only you, Michael Jackson, could do so much so quickly to obscure the ass-shaking, barrier-breaking brilliance of music. And I had to shake my ass to your music once again. ’Cause this is thriller, thriller night…

They told him don’t you ever come around here
Don’t wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire’s in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

You better run, you better do what you can
Don’t wanna see no blood, don’t be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin’ how funky strong is your fight
It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

Also on the album “Thriller”, your song “Beat It” quickly stole my heart. This was a song that could relate to my unrelenting mutiny. A song that fitted in perfectly with the violent, vindictive world that I embraced. The energetic beat and etched-in-your-mind lyrics served me as ways to reject or rebel against the orthodoxies of the world. And of course, it once again dominated the pop charts, while I put on leather jackets and tight pants, and learned every dance move. ‘Cause I wanna be bad. Just beat it, beat it!

Billie Jean is not my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

Two other tracks that I loved and still do from the “Thriller” album are “Billie Jean” and “The Girl Is Mine”. By the time these two songs hit the charts, I had a boyfriend already. And we both loved these songs. Madly in love and just newly tasted the euphoria of affection, we found “Billie Jean” naughtily adorable and “The Girl Is Mine” irresistibly sweet. These two songs quickly became OUR songs. We played them and danced to them at nearly every party, every time we were high on marijuana, and every time we had too much to drink. They became the symbol of both our love and rebellion, while “Thriller”, then, blew open all doors – reportedly selling more than 100 million copies all over the world and winning a record-breaking 7 Grammy Awards. By the way, that boyfriend later became my husband and the father of my two children. My name is not Billie Jean, but I had become his lover ever since. I guess I have to thank you, MJ! This girl became his girl. The girl is mine, the doggone girl is mine, I know she’s mine…

Well they say the sky’s the limit
And to me that’s really true
But my friend you have seen nothing
Just wait 'til I get through

Because I'm bad, I'm bad – come on
You know I'm bad, I'm bad – you know it
You know I'm bad, I'm bad – come on, you know
And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again,
Who's bad…

Five years later, in 1987, I graduated from high school. I was 18 and officially an adult. I intentionally screwed up all my university entrance tests in Indonesia so that my parents would send me to the States to continue my study. And they did. So off to Salt Lake City I went, claiming my independence and freedom once and for all. I was bad. And right at that moment, on September 7, 1987, your album “Bad” was released. Perfect timing! Well, they say the sky’s the limit and to me that’s really true. But my friend, you have seen nothing. Just wait ‘til I get through. Because I’m bad!

Annie are you OK?
So, Annie are you OK?
Are you OK Annie?
You've been hit by
You've been struck by – a smooth criminal

In the States, for the first time in my life, I fitted in and had no more reasons to rebel. The Western world seemed to reserve this one perfect slot for me where I just had to be me. And just like many young adults living in the States, I quickly caught the MTV fever. I was part of the original MTV generation. And the song “Smooth Criminal”, released on October 24, 1988 from the album “Bad”, was played on MTV over and over again. The powerful dance performance and video mastery had me spellbound. It was like being in your presence, experiencing your energy and having the chance to move with the greatest dancers and entertainers of all time. You were not only a musical genius; you were a music video visionary. “Smooth Criminal” had further secured your place as the King of Pop and as the great innovator of early MTV. I was proud to be part of that era, ‘because I’ve been struck by a smooth criminal…

Hey pretty baby with the high heels on
You give me fever like I’ve never ever known
You're just a product of loveliness
I like the groove of your walk, your talk, your dress
I feel your fever from miles around
I’ll pick you up in my car and we’ll paint the town
Just kiss me baby and tell me twice
That you’re the one for me

The way you make me feel
You really turn me on
You knock me off of my feet
My lonely days are gone

Your hit album “Bad” also contained the greatest love songs of all time. Produced by Quincy Jones and yourself, “The Way You Make Me Feel” reached the top in its tenth week, for one week. It was the third consecutive number 1 single from that album. The single spent 6 weeks in the top 10, 9 weeks in the top 20 and 13 weeks in the top 40. But it has spent a lifetime in my heart just because the way you make me feel, you really turn me on, you knock me off of my feet, my lonely days are gone…

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could’ve been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and make a change

The socio-political and economic world of the late 1980s was also a source of inspiration to you. Determined to encourage people to stand up for what they believed in and make a change, the song “Man In The Mirror” simply did just that. At least for me, the song had left me both inspired and enlightened. Changes were what I had been striving for all my life. The hypocritical and narrow-minded views, based on certain religion or race or gender, were everything I had been fighting against. But when I dared to make a change to myself, converted to another religion, believed in different yet more sensible things, and continued to do whatever my heart told me to do regardless of my gender, I was labeled rebel instead. And so this song meant so much to me. It provided a way to tell everyone, “I told you so.” It provided me with a justification. That if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change!

They print my message in the Saturday sun
I had to tell them I ain’t second to none
And I told about equality and it’s true
Either you’re wrong or you’re right
But, if you’re thinkin’ about my baby
It don’t matter if you’re black or white

I am tired of this devil
I am tired of this stuff
I am tired of this business
Sew when the going gets rough
I ain’t scared of your brother
I ain’t scared of no sheets
I ain’t scare of nobody
Girl when the goin’ gets mean

I already had a 2-year old daughter, Cassandra Niki, when you released your next album “Dangerous” in 1991. Yes, at a very young age of 22, I had become a mother. It seemed that your mission to make strong statements in your songs had only become stronger and more focused. Forcing to bring racial issues that confronted America to the surface, you released the single “Black or White” in November 1991. Slash of Guns N' Roses played the guitar intro for the song. Your music video of this song featured a morphing technique that was very innovative at the time. Macaulay Culkin and George Wendt (Norm from the sitcom Cheers) appeared in it, as well as Tyra Banks before she gained supermodel status. As expected, the video got a lot of hype. It premiered on MTV, BET, and Fox at the exact same time. It was perhaps the most controversial video ever recorded by you. It showed you in the full length video dancing and destroying all things racist, including a swastika used by the Nazis. I LOVED IT!

Ironically, also at this time, some of your fans turned out to be your worst critics. As your face was reshaped, so was their image of you. But to me, your music was always bigger than your missteps and more transformative than your eccentricities. To me, a genius like you had EVERY RIGHT to be as weird as you wanted to be. In fact, I’m glad you were weird, because I’m weird too and proud of it! If you’re thinkin’ about my baby, it don’t matter if you’re black or white. And it also don’t matter if you’re weird…

There’s a place in your heart and I know that it is love
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try you’ll find there’s no need to cry
In this place you’ll feel there’s no hurt or sorrow

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place

Heal the world, make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying, if you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me

Ignoring the critics, your strong messages continued. Along with my favorite single “Heal The World”, you set up the Heal The World Foundation in 1992. The foundation has focused on children, aiming for their safe and healthy development to be the world's priority. It aims to make the world aware of the rights and needs of all children around the world. It also helps improve the world we live in, without violence and free of diseases. “Heal The World” is a song that never fails to bring tears to my eyes. The power of this song HAS actually healed the world. Thanks to you, MJ! Heal the world, make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.

Do you remember when we fell in love
We were so young and innocent then
Do you remember how it all began
It just seemed like heaven, so why did it end?

Do you remember back in the fall
We’d be together all day long
Do you remember us holding hands
In each other's eyes we’d stare

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time when we fell in love?
Do you remember the time?

Of course it wouldn’t be YOU if you didn’t include love songs in the album. Everyone’s much loved ballad on the “Dangerous” album had to be “Remember The Time”, released in early Spring 1992. The song was a classic attempt of a New Jack Swing-flavored R&B jam. The music video was awesome too! As for some of your past songs, the music video for “Remember the Time” was an elaborate production. Set in ancient Egypt, it featured groundbreaking visual effects and appearances by Eddie Murphy, Iman, and Magic Johnson. And in my personal life, it was a song that marked another turning point in my life. On this, I can’t elaborate. But now that you’re in heaven, I’m sure you know what I mean. Do you remember the time when we fell in love?

Somebody please have mercy
’Cause I just cant take it
Stop pressurin me
Just stop pressurin me
Stop pressurin me
Make me wanna scream

A chance of a lifetime came in November 1996, approximately a year after you released the album “HIStory: Past, Present And Future Book 1”. The commanding duet with your sister Janet, titled “Scream”, had been released for several months. I no longer lived in the States. I was in New Zealand, working for Electronic Data Systems in Wellington. My husband was still studying towards his degree in Auckland. We already had two kids. Cassey was 7 years old and our youngest daughter, Sky Dwi-Drupadi, was 3 years old. The chance of a lifetime was YOUR CONCERT! I can’t remember now how much the tickets had cost us. But I remember both my husband and I insisted that we had to see you live, no matter what. Leaving Sky at home with some friends to babysit her, we took Cassey with us to her first concert ever. She was excited. But I was a zillion times more excited than her. I grew up with your songs. I grew up idolizing you. I grew up dancing and singing with you. So there we were at the Ericsson Stadium in Auckland, November 1996. We finally watched you perform on stage during your “HIStory World Tour”! You had such stage presence, vocal and dancing ability and soul. We were drawn to you. We had no choice but to sing along and dance with you all through the concert. I can’t remember how much I screamed hysterically that night. But I remember that I lost my voice the next day. Hahaha… It was simply a dream come true! Make me wanna scream!

Have you seen my childhood?
I’m searching for the world that I come from
’Cause I’ve been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
’Cause I keep kidding around like a child,
But pardon me...

I know the single “Childhood” was one of your most personal songs ever written. I know it was about you. But the funny thing is, I could totally relate to it. I bet everyone could relate to it too. If they say they don’t, then they must be big fat liars! Well, personally, my childhood wasn’t all bad. I had a comfortable life. But being born an Indonesian, an Asian, and being brought up as an Indonesian, an Asian, in Indonesia, in Asia, had the disadvantages, especially for an extra-curious kid like I was. It was actually frustrating for me. I couldn’t accept many of the things they taught me. And as a result, my own childhood was miserable, full of punishments and weird looks from everyone around me. And so I could totally relate to this song. People do that to you. Just because we do things differently, look at things differently, and believe in different things, they judge us. They hate us. They talk about us. I could totally relate to that. Have you seen my childhood?

Another day has gone
I’m still all alone
How could this be?
You’re not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold?

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You’re always in my heart
And you are not alone

To be honest, I didn’t start liking this song until much later. You see, MJ… My husband passed away in 1999, just 3 years after we saw your live performance in Auckland. It was the worst year of my life. And the years that followed were the darkest years of my life. It took me a long time to finally accept that he was gone. There were even times when I contemplated suicide. The thought of my children was the only thing that stopped me. For a year after his death, I started my every day crying and ended my every day crying. I don’t remember when exactly I heard this song again, the single “You Are Not Alone” that you released in August 1995. But I remember it instantly made me feel better. In time, I gradually healed. And this song played an important role towards initiating that healing process. It had made me realized that I was not alone. You are not alone, for I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart, and you are not alone.

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done!
What about all the peace that you pledge
Your only son…
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice?
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice?
The crying Earth, the weeping shores!

The single “Earth Song” was also on your album “HIStory: Past, Present And Future Book 1”. But unlike “You Are Not Alone” that didn’t immediately impress me at the start, this song made a great instantaneous impact on me. I’ve always been an environmentalist, a conservationist. The Earth for me is a source of life, knowledge, love, joy and pleasure. Seeing more and more human beings remove themselves from nature as if they’re not elements of nature themselves always disgust me. Seeing more and more human beings exploit nature greedily for profit always anger me. Seeing more and more human beings lose respect for Earth that has provided them with life always sadden me. So this song has become MY ALL TIME FAVORITE. You giftedly captured everything I’d been wanting to say to the world. What have we done to the world? Look what we've done!

Keep on with the force don’t stop
Don’t stop ‘til you get enough
Keep on with the force don’t stop
Don’t stop ‘til you get enough
Keep on with the force don’t stop
Don’t stop ‘til you get enough
Keep on with the force don’t stop
Don’t stop ‘til you get enough

Last but not least, MJ… I truly believe that you were the biggest solo star since Elvis Presley. You had a notable impact on music and culture throughout the world while also tearing down social barriers and paving the way for modern pop music and the concept of the modern pop star globally. You were an extremely important figure in the history of popular culture, a person with planetary influence, and one of the most famous humans who ever lived. I am honored to have grown up listening to your music and watching your extraordinary brilliance. I guess now you’ve had enough. So you left the world and went home to the house of the Lord where I know you will never suffer again. But the magical force of your music will live on forever, for as long as this planet is still here. Because we will never have enough of you. Keep on with the force, don’t stop, don’t stop ‘til you get enough!

I just can’t stop loving you
I just can’t stop loving you
And if I stop, then tell me just what will I do

And for all those reasons, for your courage and determination, for your brilliance, for your love, for your music and clever lyrics, I just can’t stop loving you, MJ. And if I stop, then tell me just what will I do?

Goodbye and good luck on your journey, your final metamorphosis. Please send my love to my husband, as I know he will be one of the first who welcomes you in Heaven. Your music will stay and will always be able to draw me – with each chirpy, stuttering reminiscence – right out onto the dance floor. I’m going to rock with you ‘til I have to go on my final metamorphosis one day.