Dec. 30, 2009 – Jan. 2, 2010. My new year’s eve’s journey. The journey to close the year 2009. I’ve been talking about it, tweeting about it, yet I haven’t written it here. The photos have been selected and edited, and even posted onto picasaweb. But not here. This space, this blog, is too personal. Because writing it and posting it here would force me to admit the intense blackness of a cursed year, to expose my bleeding heart, and to own up to the decay of faith and hopes and dreams. So I’ve been procrastinating, postponing a story that should’ve been written and posted since the end of last year. The end-of-year journey to West Bali.
So here it is. By the end of last year, my arms reached out frantically in despair, seeking for strength or something substantial to enwrap me in compassion. By the end of 2009, I wasn’t looking for heavy-duty partying scene as I used to. I was looking for silence and solitude, or maybe familiar sounds to comfort and console. The familiar sounds of silence of the underwater world.
Therefore, I skipped the trendy “golden triangle” Kuta-Legian-Seminyak. I ignored the cool and breezy air of Ubud-Kintamani-Bedugul. I even paid no attention to the underwater kingdoms of East Bali, Amed-Tulamben, because they would certainly be packed with touristy divers at that time of the year. Instead, I headed west, to the sleepy town of Pemuteran and the tiny Menjangan Island. Silence and solitude.
Arriving in Pemuteran early in the morning of Dec. 31, the last day of 2009, Neptune the Sea God seemed to be welcoming me with stunning deep-blue skies and incredible windless sea. And as I rode my boat on the short 20-minute journey to Menjangan, for just that moment, my soul stopped drifting aimlessly in hopelessness. For just that moment, my soul came back. For just that moment, it stopped searching for meaning and truth, accepting the fact that it would find no direction. Only Mother Nature could do this, giving me warmth in times of want. Only Mother Nature could envelop me in sincere affection, as if apologizing for failing to grant my desires. I smiled, and prepared for the first dive.
The Coral Wall
Three other divers – Charlie, Carrie, and Shiho – were going to join me on the first dive of the final day of the year. We reached the jetty of Menjangan at 9.30AM. Flocks of local people arrived almost at the same time as we did. They were going to perform some kind of Hindu ceremony in the temple on the otherwise- uninhabited island. As it turned out, that day was also the day of a full moon. The ritual was the full-moon ritual.
Deep inside, this coincidence pinched me a bit. It was like a huge sign over my head. The message from the universe could be unbearably cruel sometimes. But fortunately, I had no time to pout. The dive master from Yos Dive led us to the sea. We were going to start the dive from the beach, walking slowly from the shore, then snorkeling in shallow water, gradually heading towards the deep sea, where we would eventually plunge into a steep vertical drop off. This was the renowned multi-layered coral wall of Menjangan.
The underwater scenery was simply fantastic. I knew the area was famous for its giant gorgonians, yet nothing could’ve prepared me for this extraordinary vista. The abundance of colorful gorgonians, the staggering variety of fish and corals in crystal clear water, flawlessly intermixed with dazzling rays of the sun that came out to maximize the brilliance of the colors. For that moment, just for that moment, I was healed. It was too rude not to be happy.
Pos II
The second dive started with a back-roll from the boat. The site was Pos II, where we dropped over a vast underwater garden, dominated by vibrant soft corals. If there was such a thing as “The Garden of Tao”, this would’ve been it. Here, amongst sunburst anthias (Serranocirrhitus latus) and lyretail anthias (Pseudanthias squamipinnis), amid enigmatic butterflyfish (Johnrandallia nigrirostris), and an assortment of many other species of fish, I pacified my emotions. The sound of my heartbeat in serene quietness of the sea was the only witness to my existence. My exposed heart trembled. And my soul, in its most primitive form of self, revealed a beauty nurtured within.
Funny. Sensing a touch of animation, I felt like starring in the film “Finding Nemo”. Surrounded by Nemo (clownfish), Dory (blue regal tang), Gill (Moorish idol), Peach (starfish), Bubbles (yellow tang), Bloat (pufferfish), Crush (sea turtle) and many other sea friends, I was spirited. The best feeling I had all year.
By the end of the dive, the coral reefs had succeeded to bury my pity within the fertile soil of Menjangan. The euphoric effects wouldn’t last. I knew that. But at least for that moment, just for that moment at the end of 2009, they restored my broken heart, shielded my fragile soul, and wilted upon my scars, allowing my own garden of hopes to grow again. As a skeleton, in slumber, I awaited the cycle of rebirth, the moment in space and time where winter was unwelcome and decay was impossible. For that moment, just for that moment at the end of the year, I breathed the harmonies of nature. And my spirit, lulled of the year-long tortures, was truly free.
Happy (belated) new year 2010! No, I'm not okay. But I'm still here. It would take a whole lot more to get rid of me.
